NikkiB #16

[NikB]

Thanks SD!

I'm in my hotel now and enjoying the break. I had a fun drive and holy cow, this room is amazing!! My company usually pays for pretty decent rooms but they outdid themselves this time. Comfy bed, marble-topped furniture, down bedding... snazzy! Oh and a huge flat-screen LCD TV. It's too bad I have to go to work tomorrow, I kind of want to stay in my cozy bed and watch movies all day .

Had a nice although weird interaction w/H before I left. He came home as he planned to say bye which I thought was really sweet. I thanked him but I was also feeling guilty about last night and acting very insecure (didn't realize it at the time, realized it after I left)... I kept asking H if he was doing OK or wanted to talk about anything and he kept saying no, then finally said "Why, do YOU?" I said "Well yeah, I guess I do, I feel bad about last night. I wanted to bring all that up but I didn't mean to attack you and it probably came across that way. I'm sorry." H said "Yeah ok." (in a pretty PO'd tone). Ugh. I said again "I approached it wrong and will work on that, I'm sorry." H replied "I know you are." Then after a short pause, "Don't you need to go? You're kind of driving me nuts."

Ugh. I realized later I never should have even mentioned it again. Get back to happy, secure me and learn from my mistakes. ACTIONS, right? At the time the "driving me nuts" kind of hurt but now I am actually happy about it - he TOLD me rather than keep it inside, so that's good, right. We're screwing up some, but maybe we're finally learning this communication thing.

I had promised to call when I got to the hotel, which I did. No answer from H but I left an upbeat message on the machine anyway. And he called back just a few minutes later to say goodnight... I kept it light, fun, short... whew... back to the basics and that worked really well. Even got an ILY.