Take it one day at a time,,don't read too much into H not liking what you made for dinner,,sounds like you worked hard on it & that it was ready when he came home but try and think,,"Oh Well",,you can't please everyone all the time!
Sounds like H is putting the ball in your court as to how long your going to stay depending on your feelings?? Go slowwww,,give it some time,,don't pressure! I've heard "in piecing" you experience lots of bumps in the road, that is expected, you also have to look at it from the stand point of,,YOU are the one living w/him NOT OW!! Your playing it to win, maybe some desperate act on her end to get you out of the picture!!
You gotta let her know that you are in it for the long haul by DBing your butt off again,,be happy,,that will chap her a$$ b/c H came home to eat dinner w/you!!
You can do it sista, I have the utmost faith in you,
Kim
M44H44 M18 T22 Sep7yrs-3/10 S23,22,15,11 10/07I file 2/08D postponed by H 2/09D on 3/09H moves in 8/09I kick H out 9/09H-PA 10/09-2/10mediate 3/10OW discoved 5/10H&OW engaged 7/10DDay w/atty
so things have gone from bad to worse, and it appears the fat lady has sung.
i found out that H has been in communication with OW since i moved back in, and writing to her about me in a very unattractive light. so i lost the plot. i went directly back to square one. i cried, begged, fought with him, etc. now he is rubbing her in my face.
f*cking myspace. this has been the forum for their communication. now he has removed me from his page and placed her right back up at the top. my sister saw it, wrote to her in a fury, and spilled the beans to her about how he was sleeping with both of us while dating her. i also wrote to her after i found out that they were still in touch and asked her to please stop communicating with my H. was not ugly, even told her i had no ill feelings.
guys, the sh*t truly has hit the fan. i can't keep it together around him, and fall apart. but he is truly done, i can see it in his eyes. i've become desparate.
now i'm here, in a different town, no job, living with my mom and grandma. truly starting over.
i have not idea what to do. i love my husband so much that now i must let him go and figure out how to move on.
I'm truly sorry to hear this Kiki. Just know that even though you feel alone, there's people here willing to listen. Thank God for them all because there are days the alone time with myself would kill me.
Sounds like you need to get back to being a better you. He needs to get curious about you.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
Hey there, Kiki. I hope today is a better day. I guess it's hard for people to break things off with OP. After all, my wife has had OM around for two years. She's talking about reconciling but still hasn't gotten rid of OM and tries to convince me it's unimportant still. In fact, when the kids got here yesterday they told me all about him coming over and them going fishing...
If he's saying bad things behind your back to OW that only makes the pain twice as bad. I guess it's time to do what it says DR about people who won't get rid of OP. If you're willing to accept the fact that it could very well end in D, you'll have to let him know that as long as there is any type of R with her, there is no R with you at all.
It's really rotten that he's bad mouthing you to her. Really, really rotten.
well, it appears as though my sister ruined any hope for reconciliation between my STBXH and OW. she spilled the beans to the OW that H was sleeping with she and myself the whole time they were dating. BIG MESS. for STBXH.
anyway, i'm trying to figure out what in the world to do with myself. yesterday, STBXH and I had to be in the car together for over 6 hours as we had to attend our bankruptcy hearing. interesting to say the least. H is dead set on this divorce, and seems to be in total denial at the effects it is going to have on our S3. all of my efforts to shoulder the blame for the downfall of our marriage has backfired totally. now H is the total victim, and has never done anything wrong. does not even think he was wrong to sleep with me and OW at the same time. say i was a big girl and a willing participant. jacka$$.
oh well. told him that i let him go. and i do. at this point, his true colors and emotional inmaturity have come shining through, and i'm not sure i'd even want him back.
I'll bet it's a big mess. I often wonder just what W tells OM. I'm sure he's in the dark about the fact that she tells me she's thinking about reconciling. I've often thought about talking to him myself but I don't know if he'd believe some of the things that she's told me, some of which are a bit insulting to him. I'm glad your sister could take care of that.
I hear you about the immaturity too. Everyone who follows my situation knows I think my W is very irrational. It's not very attractive.
Step back again and take care of yourself. You can't help him.
From reading what you wrote above I can imagine you feel like me. I want my marriage to work, but W has been exhibiting some of the behaviors your H is. So, I'm torn because I really don't want her the way she is now. It can be very confusing. I have two people in my head fighting viciously on whether I should continue or let her go.
it appears that OW might still be in the picture after all, which means H told her a bunch of lies.
at this point, i am considering my M a done deal. i must move on. my H is so far away emotionally, there is literally no hope for us at this point. he really doesnt give a sh$t, although he is so worried about saving face and not being the "bad guy" he tries to cover up for the ridiculous things he is doing. i am exhausted.
feeling SO angry right now. guess that's a good thing, it's easier to deal with anger than sadness.
I'm sorry I didn't post sooner...but I wanted to have something positive to say. Sad thing is, I never came up with anything. Sometimes things are just the way they are and no amount of effort can change that. DBing provides an environment in which reconciliation *can* be pursued, but it is up to the two people involved to actually choose to pursue it and sometimes that just doesn't happen.
In your case, perhaps the bridges you first put to the flame simply cannot be rebuilt (sometimes our actions have irreversible effects). Perhaps your STBXH has been unable to successfully deal with the issues he had before your first split. Perhaps he's just acting out. Or maybe it's some combination of all three. You may never know.
All you have is what's here and now and how you've chosen to deal with the situation. If you have taken the lumps, accepted your responsibility, and made a good faith effort to correct the mistakes of the past, then you have done all you could and can be proud of having made the effort.
In my case, while my efforts did not result in a positive outcome, I can rest easy knowing I did my best and did not act out of anger or frustration. I have no regrets now and because I have done my best and have given her every opportunity to change course, I will have no regrets in the future. It is now simply time to move on.
In your situation, while there are things I would have done differently had I been in your place, if you erred at all, it was to your STBXH's favor and I see no shame in that. But now it's time for you. It's time to start creating a new life for yourself (and the same goes for me).
My best to both of you. It's bitter because I always love to see success stories.
But the main thing is your journey brought you to a place where you are ok with things.
Someday I hope to reach that place too. One way or another.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
