SSM calling Blackfoot, come in blackfoot, Over

[LustForLife]

Cobra seems to keep wanting NOP's to prove himself on this BB(you may say you don't Cobra, but I think yo do)

My take on it is Cobra really WANTS the Nops M to be successful with a messed up FOO and lack of love. Nop proved the love is there between the Nops so that is no longer applicable. But I think Cobra keeps pushing the FOO stuff because he needs to prove to Himself that his own M can be successful with no love and FOO issues taking center stage. When people's say no to him, it hurts him but it comes out as anger.
LFL

[Greeneyedlass]

That's always possible.

[believing_isaiah43]

NOP, your post to MrsNOP made me all teary. I'm such a wuss. ::sigh:: Thanks for that. I miss it so much that I vicariously have happy tears for a good marriage. I'm silly. It's no secret.

[sat567]

Yeah, it made me teary, too. I saved it in my "keepers" file.

Adorable? Maybe. An inspiration? Definitely.

Hairdog

[blackfoot]

Cobra

I answered you. I dont have to explain. The fact that you attributed it to manipulation and control, tells me you dont understand what I was saying. If I see someone here who could benefit from my explaining that issue, I will.

SG

The first thing that is annoying, is I deleted my misquote from Rhett, in my initial post. oh well. It would have been fun to steal your thunder, but instead Im over here going "GDit, BF, always trust your gut."

I worry for the girl who matters, Me too.
and who'll bash her head against that brick wall you call your principles, why will she do that?
Because that's inevitably what will happen. Why?

You believe they must be placated,
UMMM. have you been paying attention? Your technique is excellant, Im sure its quite effective for you normally, but if you want to hang in there, and keep my attention, your going to have to remain in reality. In my world truth is truth. There is none of this my version, your version, tell them what their version is.


and lead, care to differ?

and kept from vaccillating all over the map
sounds enmeshed. Should I be? Ill tell you x used to grit her teeth and say 'your so fcking pysch healthy, I want to scream.' that was confusing but I think I get it now. I didnt understand that, but she was being honest. Honesty is allways respectable.

I also think that you cling to that explanation because it's a really convenient "out" for any responsibility you might have for the break-up, and you will subconsciously seek to re-create it in your next relationship, for if she proves you wrong you would

a) either really have made a stupid choice last time (can't have that)

or

b) actually learned something that helps keep this R on track, which means your actions probably also contributed to what happened in your previous R. (Especially can't have that)


Hmmmm. you said you have been here for a long long time, and I believe it, but the above is not the truth.
a) I really fcked up last time. Ive said it a million times. I wasnt protective. I mistakenly thought a marriage *should* be differant then attraction. Thats why my intitial response was atypical for for the first couple months. I didnt know what protective was in a M. I didnt know Jealousy was a good thing. Of course if a M is just attraction...
b) I took my portion, but I didnt do it perfect. I came here and didnt look elsewhere untill the D was finalized. I have picked the ladies brains extensively to make sure I bring it to my conscious, so that it doesnt happen again.

This is actually a really mature statement, and it gives me more hope than anything else you've said. Well since I have never aspired to be, and have no interest in being 'mature' youll have to give me some other carrot to encourage me. Thats not my reason.
Reminds me when I would taunt the girls in school, and the would finally say something like 'Your SOoooo Immature.' Snort. they were the one arguing/ hitting and getting annoyed with someone 4 years younger. LOL.
But no woman on the face of the planet will always "chose you" no matter how much you abandon her emotionally.

Whats a reasonable expectation for this? I mean, I expect her to have several if not, many, other attractions in a life time. I know I will. I expect and accept the emotional abandonment that will come with her life and our situational changes. If I need 'space' how long would be reasonable to be able to receive said necessary 'space', without betrayal, and infidelity?

Find one that's smart, has some life experience, and is willing to work on her relationship. Then go amd make her happy. You can, you know
Oh I know. For a while at any rate. The burden of 'making' her receives what compensation though?
Im not so sure about smart anymore, though. I get my smart woman fix here, and I dont think Im quite up to it. Opposites attract you know, and nature has her reasons. I was thinking someone mute, too.

Don't patronize her. If you do, she'll kick your a$$ before leaving. *extremely friendly smile*

You know whats sexier then a pissed off woman? A pissed off woman with a brilliant smile on her face. It just spells all kinna trouble.
Seriously, leaving, I can handle. She deserves to be won back once in a while.
Betrayal, will not be tolerated, because the wall will be well marked. If she seeks to test my boundary, and find if my caring for her exceeds my boundary edge, (like they seem to do for some reason) she will be sadly... (or maybe not)... extremely, mistaken.

Mr and Mrs. NOP.

Get a room allready. Sheesh. All that lovey dovey stuff. Dont you know this is a marriage board? Highly irregular, you know.

[SouthernGirl]

Blackfoot - I don't have time to go through all of your post point by point now, but I will later today or tomorrow. I just wanted to say one thing .. even if the "earth" in my personality tends to be mostly quicksilver, and I am often sorely lacking in gravitas, my intentions are not to manipulate or wave carrots or keep your attention at all costs. I would be very bad at it. I want to be useful, and if I'm not, my ego will remain unbruised and my footstep remain light if you turn your attention to others who might have more or better insight to offer. Or if you simply decide you already have all the insight you need.

Namaste.

[blackfoot]

SG

I would be happy to hear from you further, but you do not owe me.
Frankly my dear, your last post to me was perfect, all by itself. It brought me not only a smile , but also Billy Joel's song to mind... She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes,
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies,
...She can ask for the truth but she'll never believe you,
...She's ahead of her time.
Oh, and she never gives out and she never gives in,
She just changes her mind.
And she'll promise you more than the garden of Eden
then she'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding,
But she brings out the best and the worst you can be.
Blame it all on yourself cause she's always a woman to me.


Women are fun, but they make for terrible wives. :headscratch: What? Ive myself now.

Ive been sorta chagrined the past few days. I got what I was looking for (from you, dont be mad, it doesnt make you predictable, just understood) but I also got some genuine responses from a couple other ladies, wanting to encourage me, who then got it chucked in their face for their sincere efforts. They didnt deserve that.
Being to focused on a goal (not something I need to work on), can cause you to lose sight of the cost of the goal(definitely something I need to work on) .

I did have fun though. Does that make me bad?

There was one sentence I had issue with in your post though.
I would be very bad at it.
Uh Huh.
tsk tsk, be honest now, or I wont be able to stay focused on what you do get right.

By the way, have you met my older, smarter, (but not as good looking) brother Stig? He doesnt say much about himself, and he makes dizzying leaps of literary conceit, but maybe...:heartfelt handclasp: & :pious pose:... he will vouchsafe to give us a brief glimpse into the current happenings of a masculine mind that knows not only the dangers of B&B ...blowfish and bukowski, what is that anyways... some form of bestiality and a bowler played by john goodman???...oh wait that was The BIG Lebowski...so again..... but also the olfactory zest of chitlins. <--- thats for the verbosity of the previous paragraph, not the chitlins.
Honestly, Im only slightly teasing my loquacious and pleonastic friend who is blessedly often given to circumlocution and who is able to grasp the wandered meanderings of a female mind given to fanciful and unlikely similitudes.

Of course he was no where to be found when I was unjustly accused of mixing my metaphors. Sheesh. enough sheenanigans.


Namaste...is that some sort of pasta, and would that go with a white wine or a red?


Chromo, how is your health and heart doing?

bf- a man who cannot spell. or type. or both. sometimes. mostly. but does really appreciate the red inkings of his current favorite english teacher.

[Crazy Eddie]

Hmmmm. you said you have been here for a long long time, and I believe it, but the above is not the truth.
a) I really fcked up last time. Ive said it a million times. I wasnt protective. I mistakenly thought a marriage *should* be differant then attraction. Thats why my intitial response was atypical for for the first couple months. I didnt know what protective was in a M. I didnt know Jealousy was a good thing. Of course if a M is just attraction...

It's not just attraction, although there does need to be a good dose of that.

Now as for the need to be protective, does a woman really want to be protected from herself as a child would? How much? Because when you get right down to it, the other man doesn't "steal" her away... she goes to him of her own free will.

In your case, I thought it was more a matter of you neglecting her and giving her no reason to stay in the marriage rather than you not protecting her from her own desire to go to the other man.

But no woman on the face of the planet will always "chose you" no matter how much you abandon her emotionally.

Whats a reasonable expectation for this? I mean, I expect her to have several if not, many, other attractions in a life time. I know I will. I expect and accept the emotional abandonment that will come with her life and our situational changes.

Seriously? You think that "emotional abandonment" of her partner is the natural and proper response of a person to life and situational changes? It's depressingly common, but that's not a reason to "expect and accept" it... it's a reason to try to prevent and/or correct it, or to move on if it proves impervious to long-term intelligent efforts toward that end.

If I need 'space' how long would be reasonable to be able to receive said necessary 'space', without betrayal, and infidelity?

Depends on how much space we're talking here. Months or years of "emotonal abandonment" seems to me to be a betrayal of its own. We all need some space, of course, but I recall you saying that you were cutting off affection and attention, in part, because you wanted to see if she'd seek it elsewhere. Why shouldn't she? If I understood you right, you had promised to supply it to her when you married her and then you cut off her supply without any provocation on her part.

I may be really missing something, but I don't see any reason to conclude from that that lack of "jealousy" or "protectiveness" was the problem here.

[SouthernGirl]

SG

I would be happy to hear from you further, but you do not owe me.
Frankly my dear, your last post to me was perfect, all by itself. It brought me not only a smile , but also Billy Joel's song to mind... She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes,
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies,
...She can ask for the truth but she'll never believe you,
...She's ahead of her time.
Oh, and she never gives out and she never gives in,
She just changes her mind.
And she'll promise you more than the garden of Eden
then she'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding,
But she brings out the best and the worst you can be.
Blame it all on yourself cause she's always a woman to me.

That Billy Joel song ... arrrghhh. It makes me hissy and tense, like a cat petted in the wrong direction. I don't mind being fluid and mysterious, and have, on occasion, "changed my mind," but it's a song about a dream, a projection, not a real woman. There may be room for the Siren in the Maiden, but there is little of her in the Mother, or the Healer. Or the Scientist, an often-overlooked female archetype, whose chief joy is .. to count something. *smile*

Women are fun, but they make for terrible wives. :headscratch: What? Ive myself now.

Do they? *quiet look* Do you think I would make a terrible wife? Would it surprise you greatly to know that I have, for many years now, been a very devoted, content wife? One who finds her husband endlessly interesting, and brilliant, and kind, and still jumps up smiling to hear his key in the door? You'll have to ask him if I'm a "good" wife. Whatever that means.

Ive been sorta chagrined the past few days. I got what I was looking for (from you, dont be mad, it doesnt make you predictable, just understood)[..]

I did have fun though. Does that make me bad?

I'm not mad. I never begrudge a fencer a good thrust. I admit to some idle curiosity as to what you feel you understand about me, but I don't really need to know.

but I also got some genuine responses from a couple other ladies, wanting to encourage me, who then got it chucked in their face for their sincere efforts. They didnt deserve that.
Being to focused on a goal (not something I need to work on), can cause you to lose sight of the cost of the goal(definitely something I need to work on) .

I agree.

There was one sentence I had issue with in your post though.
I would be very bad at it.
Uh Huh.
tsk tsk, be honest now, or I wont be able to stay focused on what you do get right.

No, it is quite true. I would be very bad at it.

By the way, have you met my older, smarter, (but not as good looking) brother Stig? He doesnt say much about himself, and he makes dizzying leaps of literary conceit, but maybe...:heartfelt handclasp: & :pious pose:... he will vouchsafe to give us a brief glimpse into the current happenings of a masculine mind that knows not only the dangers of B&B ...blowfish and bukowski, what is that anyways... some form of bestiality and a bowler played by john goodman???...oh wait that was The BIG Lebowski...so again..... but also the olfactory zest of chitlins. <--- thats for the verbosity of the previous paragraph, not the chitlins.
Honestly, Im only slightly teasing my loquacious and pleonastic friend who is blessedly often given to circumlocution and who is able to grasp the wandered meanderings of a female mind given to fanciful and unlikely similitudes.

Of course he was no where to be found when I was unjustly accused of mixing my metaphors. Sheesh. enough sheenanigans.

I have met, or rather read, many of Stigmata's posts, and he does have a lot of interesting, if occasionally elusive, things to say.

Namaste...is that some sort of pasta, and would that go with a white wine or a red?

It's an Indian greeting, or parting, phrase.

[karen1]

Bf,

I can see that you have been a very bad boy. What shall we do with you? I, for one, am hoping that the universe sends you your puishment in the form of a lady who is "hell on wheels", who you just can't ignore and who forces you to live and not overthink.

For the record - I am a terrific wife. It is one of the things I do best. Even ex-H recognized that and tried once to get me back when I already had one child with H. How crazy is that? I am not the only one out there who can be a wife without being a doormat, who knows about loyalty, fidelity and honor, who doesn't "let herself go" etc... My ex-H just mismanaged his time - he thought that a "good wife" would accept a bad husband, provider and father indefinately. He was wrong. I am also a good mother and a person - neither of those could allow that to continue. I see several other ladies on this board who are probably terrific wives. Those of us who are good wives were probably great girlfriends too. Think about it - how else did we get to be wives?

Karen