I was doing a load of laundry and thinking about you. Isn't it weird the some middle-aged chick in Wisconsin, having no idea where you live, was thinking about your sitch? Anyway, you and I and some others all came here about the same time. I don't post often, more just check in on a few posters. Somehow, it gives me comfort knowing that there are others who continue to "press on." Remember those early days when we didn't think we would make it another day? Sometimes another hour? I think of how I always thought divorce was something I would never go through and the most horrible thing I could envision. I have to say for me, almost worst than death of a child or spouse because that at least had some closure. Now, here I am - milestones of sort . . . watched H without wedding ring (survived); took off own wedding ring (survived)(interesting that 16 months later I still can tell where it was by indents on my fingers - H too!);helped H pack household belongings (survived); endured H filing for D (survived); came home to empty house after H moved to apartment (survived); have gone through three divorce hearing dates that didn't come to fruition (a very long story)and survived (even laughed a few times about it!!); have snooped and cried on numerous occasions (survived); watched kids suffer for parents stupid choices (survived - them and me); experienced H draw close and away and close and away and close and away and close and away (well, you understand!!!) and survived; mow lawn, pay bills, do laundry, work full-time, cook, run to activities, active in church, play, etc without an H and survived!! And probably a zillion other things you and I could list.
So what's my point? Maybe today I write this more for you than for me but . . . I think our tendancy is to always think we are the end of the story when in fact, only God knows where in the book we are at. I didn't think I could live an hour or a day and yet well over a year later, here I am. H has lived away since February 2006 and bomb was in August 2005. You will pray and cry and laugh and ultimately make your own decisions but if you can use a little bit of encouragement to hang in there till the next chapter, I want to come alongside you and offer that today. We are being held in the palm of God's hand whether we "feel" it or not - some days I do! There is a perfect plan and why this long wait, I don't know. Why did Sarah and Abraham have to wait 20 years for Issac; why did Joseph have to sit in a pit waiting to get sold to Egyptians and then again sit in jail after being wrongfully accused; why did David have to wait countless years between the time he was told he would become king and actually became one; why did Moses have to spend 40 years in the dessert tending sheep and 40 years in the dessert tending Israelites; why did Job have to lose everything only to get back twice as much; why did Paul sit in prison and wait countless times and for that matter, why did Jesus have to wait until he was 30 to officially start his ministry? We may never know but there is no doubt in each of those circumstances there was a perfect plan at work and only time has revealed it. Jesus is just as concerned about us and our marriages. I hope and pray you feel his real arms of love today!
All here will survive. It's just a matter of how you handle your growth. There are no 'wrongs' here. Change can be tough and frightening. It's how you rise up to meet the challenge. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Thank you, I really needed that little bit of encouragement today. God has allowed this to happend to all of us for a reason. We just have to be patient. He is up in heaven telling us to -just wait, youll see, be patient.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
As I've said for a long time, the effort, is the reward. Everyone here should be extrememly proud of their efforts. We all initially come here with the intention and hope of saving our marriages. The reality is, as this process unfolds, we define our character, our integrity and our honor. We realize we are only half of the equation and can't make decisions for anyone else. They are in a process of defining their character, dignity and honor.
As stated many times, the process sucks. It hurts beyond compare on many levels, but it is how we emerge on the other side that is the true blessing, the true reward of our efforts. Does it remove all of the heartache? No, but there is true comfort in knowing we made the effort, we tried, we stood for our moral character and never faltered. Does this make us better than others? No, it makes us more experienced. It is this experience that we share daily to those struggling to get to a place of comfort.
Nicola, this is where you shine. The cycle of highs and lows will continue for some time, but the attitude you possess along with the knowledge you hold while you stood strong, not just for you, but for all things incorporated into a marraige is something to stand tall about. The encouragement and sharing of your experience is appreciated by many, some of whom you will never meet, others you already have. You have touched their lives in a positive and uplifting way.
Christy M: 31 H: 33 Married ~ 13 years S12 S8 Bomb 10/05 supposedly ended A 2nd bomb 12/30/05 Separated 01/06 I filed 6/12/07 ~ new ow 3wks after moving out http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1094955&page=0#Post1094955
