So during a little friendly chat about some friends my wife saw the other night, my wife starts chatting with me in a friendly manner today about this house she loves, that is still available. She is afraid it is going to sell, and doesn't want to lose it.

It is truly amazing how selfish our MLC/WAWs are, she can look me in the eye, and simply talk about buying new houses when she knows how I feel about keeping our family together.

Honestly at that point I wasn't sure if she knew, as recently i have been taking an "i understand" approach, however it was starting to feel like she was acting like we were partners in dissolving our marriage. I wanted to straighten that out.

So she was talking about buying a house again - and how I would love the neighborhood, and i said "you are cute when your stubborn", and gave her a winning smile. She smiled back, and made a comment. Then she said, "I can't help it, I want the house, why won't you let me have it?" and gave me a cute little girl smile - How do you respond to a 12 year old in a 34 year old body? I told her "i love you, and care for you but that is not something I can do", she said "why not?", i replied because there is still a ton of things that would need to be figured out for that to happen. She then said she doesn't want to have the lawyers involved to much, because they are evil. I said I don't want lawyers either. Then she asked "what do you want?"

I looked her in the eyes, took a second, and said "You know what I want. I want to show my kids how a great marriage can look like. I want to show my little girls how a woman deserves to be loved. I want a second chance."

She looked like it hit her a little, but i'm pretty sure it was just a tiny bit of guilt.

She talked a bit, and said "whats it going to take for you to realize i can't do that" I asked "are you saying we don't have any chance of getting back together?" She looked at me long and hard, and said "I wouldn't say zero, but its really, really, really small."

She is totally self absorbed right now, although she acts like she wants to be a good mom. (she gives me pained looks whenever she has to do things like take them to school) I want to scream at her when she asks me if I can pick the girls up from school or something when she is supposed to, sometimes I want to say "sure, only if you can cheat on me with our contractor, fall in love, leave me for him, and break up the family you b***h."

The longer this goes on, I feel like the chances for us keep getting smaller and smaller? Is that possible? I can't

compete in her mind with the 'in-love' feeling, and based on her history of living through her parents multiple divorces, she doesn't feel any real guilt, or remorse. Or at least she doesn't show it.


I feel like its best if we seperate for now, and she can go on her journey alone.


So 4.5 days with no real R talk, and today that lasted about 3 minutes out of a 30 minute conversation, so I am getting better, but still not at my goal of 1 week. Problem is this week we are supposed to meet with a family therapist to figure out how best to handle this with the kids. (her idea).