Amy, For the last 2 weeks I have had the ability to faulter in my stand. I wanted to quit. I knew I was not going to, but I was weary. I felt as if my faith was being tested, and I knew I could admit that I was having trouble, but I would redouble my efforts to find a way to believe, and I almost did. Then I had a miracle day. I got through a face to face with TJ with grace and dignity, and hear the doubt and confusion in his voice. I am an example of what wonderful love God has for us. So thank you for being a pillar on this board. I look to you when I need a boost. You never fail me. H. H. H.
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
I don't want to minimize where this thread is going because it is awesome, but are your initials really H.H.H. cuz that is cool. One of my kids someday will have those initials
Now back to the good stuff...sorry...
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
The first H is for Holly The second H is for Hooly, that is the naughty Holly that spins on a stipper pole. The third H is for my real name, and my husband who slipped and called me Honey again today!
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
The first H is for Holly The second H is for Hooly, that is the naughty Holly that spins on a stipper pole. The third H is for my real name, and my husband who slipped and called me Honey again today!
Well, HALLELUJAH!
It ain't just me that has a naughty girl trapped inside!
The first H is for Holly The second H is for Hooly, that is the naughty Holly that spins on a stipper pole. The third H is for my real name, and my husband who slipped and called me Honey again today!
Even cooler than I thought!
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
AMYC, as I told you in a previous thread, I am a devoted follower of your situation. I read your threads on a daily basis, even though I don;t reply to them. You give me a lot of insight into relationships and insight into what its like to go through and come out of a MLC. I know you are a lady, but let me tell you something, it takes BALLS to do what you have done! I admire you for having the courage to try to right the wrongs you have done. I have no idea if you will be successfull in the way that you desire, but you should be proud of yourself in the way that you have pursued your husband, been there for your family, and helped the many people on this board. Of course you are going to have outbursts! Of course you are going to RANT and RAVE! How the hell doesn;t that has PASSION about something? AMY, I chose to end my waiting in m mariage, I did it for myself, not everyone agrees with me and some woud call me a quiter or worse, but I had to remove myself from that madness. I was a heart attack waiting to happen with all the stresses I have in my life. I have fought many battles in my life, but I chose to not continue that particullar fight at this time. Who knows what might happen in the future, but right now I cannot. The summation of what I am saying comes to this; Nothing that is worthwhile comes easily and without setbacks and losses along the way! I think you are an awesome person and deinately someone who can be looked up to!
Braveheart, that post will have to go down as one of the most special ones I have ever gotten. Hey, was that proper grammar??? I'm thinking something is wrong...but I know you know what I'm sayin'...
I still pray for my XW. I pray that she will one day be "OK" for her sake as well as my boys...... But especially my boys. Anyone who has followed my sitch(or whatever) knows that I have been through hell, sometimes self inflicted. The one thing that I know for sure is that all the while I "stood" it helped me. I had the most faith, I was the most positive(sometimes). I now know that my faith should have been that when I let go to and give it to God that he would bring me whats best for me. My life would be what he has planned, I would be the man that he wanted me to be. Are XW and I ever going to be together again? Hell I don't know. Saying no would be as silly as saying yes. But anytime you say I am ready to "quit" you need to rub your legs and stand taller for your M. I didn't quit. When I let go I started living outside the realm that I would be her H again. I became just me. It wasn't until I was ready, I had to learn that giving my life to God, instead of giving my M to God was what had to be done. And now....she's engaged, going to get married next year and needs to drive home that point pretty regularly. Just got an email about the subject today as a matter of fact, asking what I was going to do with my schedule when she goes on vacation next year......Drive it home Kar:) It's just the thing that I would have done to get her attention, when I wasn't "over" her or the M. My point is, when you feel that you have had enough and you say you want to "quit" or "move on", you need to ask yourself is that what you are really doing. Is your H or W ever going to be gone? No they are not, you can't quit or move on. They are always going to be there. When you decide that you quit, the only thing you can do is stand. Because you aren't better yet? Your decisions are still focused on your spouce.....you need to start living for you before you can start living.
hmmmmm, I'm tired as hell so I hope this makes some sense, if not....oh well it won't be my first babbel post(at least it ain't on my thread;))
I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me.
I remember when I found this board....in Oct 05, I was devastated. I perhaps may have thot that with a little bit of knowledge I stumbled around and found here, and the super fast trip to B&N to get the DB Book....that I could bring him home ASAP I guess, in the beginning we are all hoping that there is a miracle cure. I takes awhile to realize just how deep this goes.
I also ate crap,listened to his venting, I have cried, I have swallowed my pride AND eventually, I stood up for myself.
But yet, after 20 long months I still find myself searching and reading....gaining knowledge. I see my H pop his head out occasionally, but then it pops back in just as fast. So I read trying to find an answer to what made it pop back in so quickly?
Every single damn time I see a movement towards my ultimate goal...an outsider steps in. They throw words at him, filling his mind with negatives.....when I speak to him, I TRY and fill it with positives. But how can one compete if they are not given the chance? How can one compete with a g/f who apparently is accepted into the family fold? He's hispanic.....and to be cast out of a family means NO ONE speaks to you. NO ONE! I'm so damn proub of BND's husband I could just SPIT! I pray that mine would wake up and see......hell, I want nevermind.
I dunno Amy....I'm trying to understand what you mean by not being a doormat and yet dying to self. How many deaths do we die before we find our balance?
I'm still standing....he knowes this. I have not given up. He knowes that. I am not leaving the state of FL even tho I have NO ONE here cept my adult son. A smart person would move back towards their family where housing is more economical. I'm choosing to stay here. Why? Because I hope oneday to get the chance.......thats it, just a chance.
I'm not even sure why I'm posting this.. But I'm going to assume that it's cuz I've been up since 5am trying to find my way to that unique place! And damnit!, where is it??
Sorry to hijack....but I had a good excuse
Smooches Amy
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
I guess, in the beginning we are all hoping that there is a miracle cure. I takes awhile to realize just how deep this goes.
But I'm going to assume that it's cuz I've been up since 5am trying to find my way to that unique place! And damnit!, where is it?? 