Absolutely I would say that is progress in the right direction...I just remember very very well how difficult it is not to have your partner desire you as you desire them...or love them...that was so hard for me to grasp how "all of sudden" he just didn't love me anymore...it was a real emotional hurdle when he returned and said "I still can't say I love you."...in our talks he did express that he wanted to love me again but didn't know how or when that would happen...so my patience was put to the test yet more...another year before I heard those words again...
I only know what I know from a woman's point of view and from what H has been willing to share with me...I don't know how it feels to be a H that has been left behind...I imagine it is the same in many ways...and in others vastly different...
My hope is with your family...and that you can make it through this a better person in the end...
Ooooh I think it's progress!!! I like that you were able to make a joke like that and she enjoyed it. Try to keep up that playfulness. I remember reading somewhere that the number one quality women appreciate in a man is humor. Kind of suprising... I would think it would be something like empathy or ... hummm... I won't go there... Anyhow, keep those friendly touches going, and some honest flattery every so often. Don't be afraid to hint at desire or interest every so often.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
My son and I will be leaving next Sunday for a week. I’m kind of looking forward for the end of the day phone calls. I’m going to go easy but they won’t be just the ordinary what we did phone calls. (Like before when I took things for granted). Not mushy but alittle more like when we were dating kind of phone calls. I will have my lap top with me so I’ll be able to keep in touch with ya all. I have some things planned. The fan with the “Miss you A & M” L.E.D’s (my son and my initials). Some gifts hidden around the house. I been “listening” and over heard her talking to my D about some face cream that’s kind of expensive she wanted. And some other little trinkets. What I will do each night depending on how the phone calls go I will tell her where she can find one. Lets hope nothing happens this week to knock me off the feel good wagon.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Also do not look at her phone records, regardless of what you think may be happening.
I was guilty of knowing, and it affected my DBing big time.
I don't care what anyone say's, it is the worst thing you can do, it affects you so much that you cannot hold back.
I reckon if I did not look at her phone bill early on in our sitch, that she may have come back to me. My SIL told me that even three months ago, she was no sure that she wanted to leave.
Now my SIL told me that W is so happy that the Divorce papers are coming through, and that she picked up a Real Estate brochure today for the sale of our house.
I reckon her R with OM may have had something to do with it, but I reckon most of it was me and the phone bill checks (she does not know about the checks, but everytime she lied about where she was I would accuse her of being somewhere else).
They all lie, and sometimes we have to let them so they can get through that tunnel.
I have detached emotionally to my sitch (because it was killing me), and feel better now. I have also accepted the inevitable, which makes things easier.
I mentioned in my own post, that W told me she was on a "High" tonight, before she went to rock climbing (with OM). This was after she was bed ridden and sick all day yesterday.
I just had to run with her feelings and be happy for her. I can't afford to overanylize things anymore.
So please don't ever look at your W's phone records again. You already know she has had/having a R with OM. Thats all you need to know for your peace of mind.
AndyV M38 W36 D7 M 13 years Together 17 years W wants D mid Dec 06 (ring off) W wants separation early Jan 07 (she backdated to Oct 06) EA revealed end March 07 (Nov 06 W first meeting with OM) Hallmark moment "I care for you but am no longer in love with you."
Nope I really don't care to look. I really do not care that she talks to him. Now the Physical thing is another issue. I still think she does not really know what she wants. But with me not putting pressure on her at least when she makes a decision. It will not be rushed. Like I said in your sitch. I feel bad that you are feeling down. I have been lucky and have had about 4 good days in a row. Of course now that I said that tonight will probably suck. Its Morning here and I am sitting at my desk at work. It’s strange that we seem to talk at the beginning of my day and the end of your and then the end of my day and the beginning or yours. So with that said get some sleep.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Having a little trouble sleeping tonight. It's midnight over here, and I have to get up in 6 hours.
My inconsiderate W got home at 11:30 tonight, after going rock climbing with OM and whoever else is in their click. She leaves at 6:30 and spends all evening with them.
When we were happy, My W would be flat out staying up till 9:30 most nights. We would watch some telly, and a tea and then she would go to bed whilst I watched some more.
Its funny how MLC changes people, she is now a night owl and seldom comes home before 4am on Sat nights, and 11:30 on weeknights.
The problem I had tonight was she was talking on her mobile phone in her bedroom, which I could hear in my room, then she rushed out of the house and drove off at 11:30 after she got home.
This woke me up, and I then when I started dozing off, she got home a few minutes ago just after midnight, which woke me up again due to closing so many doors when she prepared for bed.
It doesn't affect me as far as the emotional side of what she is doing, but it annoys me that she could be a little bit more considerate. I am starting to accept things as they are and I think the annoyance is coming into play, with a realisation that the inconsiderate side of her personality (the one I have overlooked due to my love for her over the last 17 years) is starting to settle into my opinions of her.
I hope this is a good thing, as it is helping me cope with this sitch.
Anyway, sorry to vent in your thread, but I feel much better.
Also keep your PMA going. Try to drag your 4 days into 5, and so on and so on. If you do have a bad day, get back on the horse and strive for a longer period.
My thoughts are with you buddy, keep doing what you are doing, you are my hero now.
AndyV M38 W36 D7 M 13 years Together 17 years W wants D mid Dec 06 (ring off) W wants separation early Jan 07 (she backdated to Oct 06) EA revealed end March 07 (Nov 06 W first meeting with OM) Hallmark moment "I care for you but am no longer in love with you."
But seriously, do u promise me you will never look at your W's phone record again. You have to trust me on this one.
AndyV M38 W36 D7 M 13 years Together 17 years W wants D mid Dec 06 (ring off) W wants separation early Jan 07 (she backdated to Oct 06) EA revealed end March 07 (Nov 06 W first meeting with OM) Hallmark moment "I care for you but am no longer in love with you."
I have not and will not look. It may be hard for someone to understand but even if we get back together I don't care if she still TALKS to him. He is in another state so there is NO PHYSICAL contact. That Will be one of the deciding factors in my R. She did it once. Ok I can forgive. BUT.....It is to NEVER happen agian. Talking to him I don't care
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
AndyV M38 W36 D7 M 13 years Together 17 years W wants D mid Dec 06 (ring off) W wants separation early Jan 07 (she backdated to Oct 06) EA revealed end March 07 (Nov 06 W first meeting with OM) Hallmark moment "I care for you but am no longer in love with you."
