So after the slight backtrack from W, (which I knew would only last a day if that), she is now again on full tilt D mode. We only have to resolve the kid support issues and the attys can write it up. The D is inevitable.
We had a bit of a reminiscing discussion yesterday. She has been reading a book about how to pick your spouse and found some interesting tidbits about places we are compatible and some we are not. Of course, she basically pointed out all the ways we are not compatible. The 90% of the places we work well were glossed over.
During the discussion, I mentioned to her that I felt that the few times I really needed her to be there for me (specificially once when I got laid off from my job) that she had been only focused on how she was affected by it (she wouldn't have money and actually said to me "Get a job."). She had no compassion for what I was going through and I told her felt that she did a terrible job of being a supportive wife. Her excuse was that she didn't want to be married to me and thought I was a loser when that happened. So, at the lowest point in my life, her response was to decide at that time (for the first time in our marriage) that she didn't want to be with me and show me that side of her. I couldn't believe it. She actually picked my lowest point to begin to pull away and decide we were done! (I asked, "Why didn't you support me then?" She said, "Because I didn't want to be with you.") I think that is the coldest thing I've ever heard in my life. And to hear her yesterday continue to cold-heartedly justify that she did the right thing just ended it for me. I will not be going back with her. I had been assuming she did it because she was too worried about herself. To hear that she did it intentionally is just shocking and devastating.
She also mentioned that she knew after our second date that I was not "the one" for her. But she dated me, moved in with me, married me, had kids with me and a 20 year life, and used the excuse that she "knew" I wouldn't let her go, so all of that was my fault. Which, of course, makes absolutely no sense since she's doing it now. But since when did this make sense. She did some counseling herself before we had kids, in which I thought she was dealing with her family of origin issues, but now says she was trying to decide whether to end it then or start a family with me! When I asked why she didn't end it then, she used the "I knew you'd never let me go" line. Unbelievable!
She actually thanked me for the discussion, and is happy we can talk civilly about the D. I told her I hate her, only half joking.
Who the heck decides to have kids with someone they don't love? What an idiot!
built4speed My Saga "How others deal with the gifts you've given is not your decision, but theirs." - Richard Bach
