Maybe simple was the wrong word to use. I don't mean that this is easy, what I meant was that when you get your mind focused in the right direction it is certainly easier than when it's not....
Better??????
You were in teh pit three weeks ago Amy, pretty fricken deep with lots of yucky snakes...... You climbed out when you were ready....
I guarandamntee you I didn't stay there long. I can't stand to be down like that and if you were to chart it, I bet you'd see that I am always back up within 2-3 days or I'm dark from the board because it's so bad all I can do is pray.
And everytime I have been that bad that the only recourse was to draw near to God, WHAT has happened?
I am really glad to see that things have taken such a positive turn in your sitch, and that they are staying that way-at least for now.
However, I am saddened at the turn this thread has taken. Perhaps I am just too sensitive, though. When I read about how we have to stand on faith, etc and just believe and our Ms will be saved...I have to wonder how it is that I've prayed for myself, my husband, my family for almost two years now, with no success. I absolutely believed that we would get back together. Right up until two months ago, when I found out about the new ow and H started taking my kids to sleep at her place every Sunday. And now, we are in divorce negotiations. By the end of the summer, I expect to be a divorced woman.
This should not be happening. I had so many people at my church praying for us. If God really wanted this M to work - and if, as you have said, H's free will is not the issue - then I would not be in this position.
Shoot - I am crying now. I have to go.
Please, don't blame all of us who aren't where we want to be for our M problems.
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
I am really glad to see that things have taken such a positive turn in your sitch, and that they are staying that way-at least for now.
However, I am saddened at the turn this thread has taken. Perhaps I am just too sensitive, though. When I read about how we have to stand on faith, etc and just believe and our Ms will be saved...I have to wonder how it is that I've prayed for myself, my husband, my family for almost two years now, with no success. I absolutely believed that we would get back together. Right up until two months ago, when I found out about the new ow and H started taking my kids to sleep at her place every Sunday. And now, we are in divorce negotiations. By the end of the summer, I expect to be a divorced woman.
This should not be happening. I had so many people at my church praying for us. If God really wanted this M to work - and if, as you have said, H's free will is not the issue - then I would not be in this position.
Shoot - I am crying now. I have to go.
Please, don't blame all of us who aren't where we want to be for our M problems.
Nicola, I am sorry.
This thread has gotten totally out of control but NOWHERE did I ever blame the people HERE for their marriage problems.
I'll be back later to rip into a few people that only want God to show up as a last resort instead of clinging to Him through the whole storm.
And I didn't think it was aimed at me. But that and the first "Rant" post led me to believe that you were saying (and perhaps I'm wrong) that if a person believes enough, their M will be restored, and if it isn't, it's because they didn't have enough faith.
I did (and do) cling to God; I believed that he would save my M. When things were going well with H in the fall and after Christmas, I was so grateful; I truly thought my prayers had been answered.
But now it's clear that I was wrong - H was not on his way back. In fact, while he was smiling at me as I rubbed his back, he was sleeping with someone else and introducing my kids to her behind my back.
I guess God has some other plan for me. I still have faith that God has a plan for me; I just don't think it's that my M will be restored.
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
But that and the first "Rant" post led me to believe that you were saying (and perhaps I'm wrong) that if a person believes enough, their M will be restored, and if it isn't, it's because they didn't have enough faith.
That isn't what I was saying at all and if anyone thinks that's what I'm saying they haven't been reading me very long. Let me try to personalize it. Perhaps that will make it clear, although I am sure it will still piss someone off out there.
I had two choices when I came out of MLC and I LEANED HEAVILY towards the first one, which was turn tail and never look back, only communicate with my husband about the kids, because I SURELY could never face him on the subject of all that I had done. I was too guilt ridden, too ashamed of myself. I could have just walked, kept it all inside but we all know it would have come out in some other, dysfunctional way, had I done that. I PLAINLY remember the break, the moment I was wholly dislodged from that MLC tunnel and placed right smack in the middle of a reality created pretty much by my own selfish hand. Don't think for one second I didn't want to belly up to the nearest bar and pull the drunk of my life but I had two kids sitting in the house with me that night. It was ALL I could do to get them dinner and make sure they had their homework done, got bathed and went to bed. I did EVERY BIT OF IT, in tears. I could barely stand upright.
The year PRIOR to my MLC, I had gone to church for the first time ever. Unbeknownst to anyone at the time, I'd been addicted to an otc asthma medication (ephedrine) for years. One night I had sat crying in the bathtub praying to a God I wasn't even sure was real and I heard "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free". At the time, I did not even know that was Bible. I had NO church background, but fast forward to the day I walked into church and from the moment I got there, I knew I was there for a reason. For 6 weeks I sat there hanging on the Pastor's every word. On the 6th week, he was in the middle of his sermon and stepped to the end of the pew I was sitting in and in context with his sermon while looking me right in the eye, he said "and the truth will what?" and I said "set you free". I would have climbed over any and everybody to get to the altar at the end of that service. That was the day I was saved and my brother-in-law's father was right there with my Pastor praying with me. I found deliverance that day from the addiction. During the next year or so, I faithfully attended church never knowing that each and everything that was planted in me would soon seem to have been stolen (only to rise up again when I decided to stand). The Bible says the enemy comes quickly to steal the Word from us when we receive it. I was no exception. A lot of you know my story. I got lost in adultery and MLC for around 3 years outwardly. I say "outwardly" because MLC first starts in the mind and I had resentment towards my husband that soon made me stop praying for him. The affair ended long before the MLC did, too so that blows any theories of that having been the catalyst.
Throughout my time since getting tossed out of tunnel I have been through most of the emotions that are conveyed on this board. I understand and I hurt when I read of people going through what I put my husband through but I also get angry at having to watch some people go around the same mountains time and time again. It is my opinion that if they JUST STOP long enough to really pray, they could get over those hurdles without all the bashing we put them through. I DO realize I can't MAKE anyone believe,
I love this board. It has been my salvation. But I do not have all the answers to all of ANYONE'S problems. I only know what has worked for me and that is why I am glad I took that second option that was available to me upon my reentry into reality. That was the choice to stand on the Word of God for the salvation of my marriage.
I have not stood well. I have not stood without some extraordinarily graceless falls. I have been bitter, angry, self-righteous and fed up. But when I get like that I typically toss off a couple ranting posts and then I settle RIGHT BACK into the only place I've ever found EVEN ONE answer to all of this. I get in prayer. My answers don't typically come when my hands are folded and my eyes are closed, either. They come from the oddest places and at the oddest times, like the battlefield at Yorktown when I was playing with my daughter, and I believe that maybe it's not until our minds are free like that, that we can hear the voice of God. But make no mistake, HE SPEAKS.
I can't judge someone's faith. But, just as some of my posts are NOT Godly or even respectable sometimes, if a person is NEVER a witness, I begin to wonder if they really believe or if they hold onto "God" as a desperate last resort. I will admit freely that there have been times I have clung to Him in nothing BUT desperation. But I have STOOD RIGHT HERE, scraped up knees and all, long enough to know that it IS His will that these marriages be restored but if we're the ones making the stand, we're the FIRST ONE He's going to deal with. After all this time, I am still so far short of the mark it ain't even funny. He takes me to task daily.
I don't know whose marriage is going to be restored and whose isn't but I'll tell you this, if you're quitting because you're just tired (we're ALL tired) or you're in need of some fleshly servicing, or you're just sick of it, chances are it isnt going to be yours. The reason for that is that THOSE ARE FLESHLY THINGS and we are to walk by faith and NOT by sight and that includes what we hear and FEEL.
I don't have one ounce more faith than anybody on this board has. It is given to EVERY man a measure of faith. What you choose to do with it is up to you. Will you stand long enough that it is grown? Will you get into the Word for yourself and find out what He says? Will you pray? Will you fast? Just what ARE you willing to do to save your family?
That's it about the standers.
Now for the prodigal spouses....
It is true that some of them won't come back. But I wouldn't play those odds against ANY of your spouses for ONE reason; I know how far gone I was and look at where I am today. I was a WAW lost in MLC. I shredded everything that even resembled family in my life.
There hasn't been a spouse I've read about on this board that is beyond the reach of God. I don't care if they're shacking up with Suzie Floozy, God can snatch them right out of that. But you...what if you are the only one that prays for him or her? To that you ask, won't some of them still stay "lost"? Sadly, yes. But do you want to bet against your spouse in the battle for his or her soul? Make no mistake, it's THAT heavy. What is happening to our families is SO MUCH bigger than what we see with our human eyes...
Paraphrasing: "The unbelieving spouse is sanctified by the believer". 1 Cor 7:14 To be sanctified means to BE MADE HOLY.
Will some spouses STILL not return? This world tells us that that is indeed the case. Some people just never incline their ear to the voice of God.
BUT do you want to just assume thats YOUR spouse or would you choose to fight through all of hell in the hope that it's not? And maybe even to MAKE DAMN SURE it's not!
So the next question would be: suppose I spend 10 years standing for a marriage to a man/woman that doesn't come back?
Well that's where your definition of the word "stand" gets formed. And no one can do that but you.
God certainly doesn't want you to fold up and stop living. He wants you to be a witness. So while you're leaving your spouse in His capable hands, can't you testify to someone about the work He has done in YOU?
I know you can, Nicola. And I know you do.
I am not a good example of a stander. I am a very flawed witness for Christ. I don't want anyone to stand like me. I want you ALL to stand BETTER.
It starts with just finding SOMETHING to believe in. It may not even be Christ. I am not here to try to convert you. If you only believe that you shared a very special love with your spouse, that is ALL it takes. Well, that and little willingness to change.
Because not one of us has yet arrived at the place we're meant to be in this life.
One thing this thread or topic has done for me is made me think. Just because folks have been here for a while doesn't mean they don't still have questions or backslides. After all, we're all human.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
AMYC, as I told you in a previous thread, I am a devoted follower of your situation. I read your threads on a daily basis, even though I don;t reply to them. You give me a lot of insight into relationships and insight into what its like to go through and come out of a MLC. I know you are a lady, but let me tell you something, it takes BALLS to do what you have done! I admire you for having the courage to try to right the wrongs you have done. I have no idea if you will be successfull in the way that you desire, but you should be proud of yourself in the way that you have pursued your husband, been there for your family, and helped the many people on this board. Of course you are going to have outbursts! Of course you are going to RANT and RAVE! How the hell doesn;t that has PASSION about something? AMY, I chose to end my waiting in m mariage, I did it for myself, not everyone agrees with me and some woud call me a quiter or worse, but I had to remove myself from that madness. I was a heart attack waiting to happen with all the stresses I have in my life. I have fought many battles in my life, but I chose to not continue that particullar fight at this time. Who knows what might happen in the future, but right now I cannot. The summation of what I am saying comes to this; Nothing that is worthwhile comes easily and without setbacks and losses along the way! I think you are an awesome person and deinately someone who can be looked up to!
