My H and I have been married for 2 years. Well actually we got married in 97 and divorced in 03 and remarried 2 years later. We have had some bumps in the road and 2 weeks ago he said he wanted to move out for a seperation. He said that we have both changed and he feels like we are not meant to be together. As of last night he moved out. We also have a 5 year old daughter. He has said that he needs some time to think, but everytime we talk, we argue. I am having a very hard time with this becuase this is the 2nd time that this has happened to me. I also feel like he really wants out, but is afriad to say it. I really have no idea what I can do, or if it is even worth trying. Everytiem we start to get along I get excited and hopfeul that things are going to work out and then it gets worse. Please any advice will eb helpful. I really want to save my marriage and right now I am making it worse.
First, I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. I'm really new to it, but agree with Jazz... no crying, begging or pleading. You can do all your crying here to us!!
Well when we 1st got married I was 19 he 21. The 2nd time we were both mid 20's. We were really happy when we had our child. When we got back together we got therapy and we were in a good place. The crying thing is hard because it hurts. I don't want to lose him again, but I feel like he has already made up his mind. What can I do to bring him bcak?
That is what happened the 1st time, but we were already divorced. I understand what you are saying to do. It is just very hard at a time like this to do that.
Nothing. But you can make yourself and your child happy without him. He may see that you are a complete person now and be attracted to the new you but there's nothing you can do to bring him back.
I can only ditto this. DH and I were 19 and 20 when we married. It is hard. My C likens it to an A... where we lean on our spouse too much... what we want is an H... where you both stand on your own, but are connected. One thing that helps me (and don't get me wrong, it's a roller coaster with extreme highs and lows), but is to think (and maybe write down) who DH fell in love with. What was different about you then? Yes, we're all older now, but maybe finding something he was attracted to back then and bringing it back. Cuz crying, pleading and whining is definitely not it, right?
This board is really a great place to write out your frustrations. Think about a journal, too.
I do appreicate all the advice as I don't want a divorce. I do have a couple questions. Do I wait for him to call? If he calls or visits do I act liek everything is okay? I guess I just need to know how to be right now. My work is being supportive by letting me take time off if needed. I work in Alcohol and Drug Counseling so they understand. I have read divorce busting when we went through the first divorce and just ordered a copy. I jsut need to know hwat I can do now that won't push him further away.
I am going to leave him alone, but with his job the only way for him to see our daughter is to come to the house. He works 18 hour days. He is staying with his mother right now, but most of his stuff is still here. I am worried that this will effect her and I knwo it will to some point, but I don't wnat her to think it is her fault. I do agree that I have been doing what I did in the past and all it does is make matters worst. I am a fixer and hate when things are up in the air. He said he would call later tonight, but I doubt he will. He also said taht he would come see our D, but I am sure with the way things are right now he won't. Does anyone have any research on how to protect a child during a seperation?
Don't talk about the separation with your daughter at all.
If she brings up something like, "Why isn't daddy here?" Say something like, it's OK baby, don't you worry about it...let's go outside and play.
I have to do that all the time with my S4 because he wants mommy and daddy back together. He tells me, he told my mom over the weekend, I know he tells W, but I can't make him part of the mess. He has to be insulated from it as much as possible.
Do that for your daughter. Then take care of her, pay her extra attention, but don't go overboard, you know? It's such a delicate balance, but just focus on her and it'll all be OK.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
I need some more advice. I saw H on Monday and he started mentioning things he saw wrong in our relationship and the converstaion went well. Then last night he said he wanted to come over for dinner tonight. This moring he called to say hi to D and tehn we got into an argument. He sayd that if I went and got paperwork for the divorce he wouldn't sign them because he's not there yet. But then he says he doesn't want to try to work on the realtionship becuase he is still unsure if he wants to fix it. Now he may not stay for dinner and I am at a lost. What shold I be doing. I can't not take his calls becuase of our D. Like I said I need some advice. It is getting very frustrating because I just want him to make up his mind.
