Happy Together at Long Last!!!

[Jen_Jam]

Tyler THANK YOU!!!! This is exactly what I needed to be reminded...detach, take care of me, remember it's a priviledge to be married, not a right, and that my H only hurts me as far as I let him.

I suppose when I said "I've given up" I mean I'm giving up trying to cajoule him, make changes in me, ask him, in any way try to influence him at all. I have no control over him, it's up to him to take these steps. I'm not upset, I'm not crying or feeling depressed, I'm just waiting.

I've looked at my M with detached, objective eyes and well, I like ME a lot, but I'm not sure about my M. I don't want H to have to be someone he's not and I don't want me to have to be someone I'm not. Maybe this whole bomb disguised the problems that ALREADY were there - lack of intimacy, lack of ILY's. I had demanded these before, been sarcastic etc (pre-bomb, before I knew better). H got depressed because he couldn't "make me happy".

it's weird.... it's important to him that I'm happy, but he seems unwilling to do what I ask. On Saturday I got flowers and last week I got bubble bath ... but gifts, while they are very nice, aren't really what I was asking for (we've both done the 5Ll quiz and gifts are very low down for both of us, although H has probably forgotten that). h's next step will be to go into a depression because he can't "make me happy" at which case it's my role to step in and comfort him. Well STUFF THAT .. that's an old cycle which does neither of us any good. (I have told him that he cannot "make" me happy and H himself has even stated he believes happiness starts with oneself. I could be guessing about him going into a depression here, making assumptions, so I will bear that in mind).

It just seems that H could lose me and doesn't seem to care... oh well, whatever, nevermind. His loss.