My advice at counseling is if you go LISTEN and agree... no matter what insane thing she says. If she says the marriage sucked agree. If she says it's all your fault, say you're sorry she feels that way but you understand... or just stay quiet and listen. Don't say anything and expect a lot of anger and ugliness. You will be blamed for everything!!!! It's the only way she can validate what she has done and feel "good" about herself and her role in the affair. Don't fight it because then you are doing exactly what she wants... making it all easier for her.
By arguing or pushing your point you'll only make her more determined to be "against" you. When you give her space and stop fighting her... that's when she'll have nothing to fight against, no cause to fight, and will finally have to look inside herself and figure things out.
You have a lot of great advice here from others. Also, she cannot keep you from telling friends. In fact, your conversations with friends and others are your own personal business. If she asks change the subject, or tell her that your conversations with your friends are private. You have your own life now (say that in a non-mean positive way... like it's the beginning of your life!). And start being more positive about it. Even if you are bleeding out of every pore on your body and you just want to crawl under a rock and go to sleep for 30 years. Force positive thought, and be a great actor in front of her. When you are alone or here on this website... then you can feel sad and fall apart.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
