Straight Into the Storm

[Lord Grenville]

Hey Choc,

I truly am feeling your pain - as I am typing right now, I am experiencing heart palpatations which happens to me when I am under high stress. I first had this happen on a cold, sleeting night in February when my W was making phone calls to OM. (I did have a series of EKG and treadmill tests and my heart is fine - I am learning how to apply the relaxation response to these situations).

On Saturday night, for the first time, I started halfway considering the option of me filing for D, but I spoke with a member of my church who has worked as a counselor, and I realized in my spiritual heart (not my flittering physical one) that I [and my W] need to go through the next months for a reason that we may not fully understand right now.

I can completely empathize with what your are dealing with. One healthy thing that I did last week while the OM was staying with my W, was go out and purchase one of those plastic foam water noodles that is about 3 inches in diameter. I cut it down to a length of a baseball bat and whenever I felt anger and rage building up, I swung it at an inflated exercise ball I have. Each time I hit the ball, I would also verbally shout words that needed to be expressed too. This has helped me channel anger out physically, and keep me in a healthier place.

Last evening, I had an experience where I felt circumstances had been arranged "from above" to help me. I had attended yoga class with about 7 other students. As I was about to leave one of the class members asked our teacher if she would like to grab a cup of tea across the street. My yoga teacher then asked me and another guy who I did not know, if we would like to go too. We got a booth at the coffee house and shortly after we sat down, one of the students who had not seen me in months asked how my W and I were doing. I told them about my separation and what has been going on, and they all listened and gave me some supportive encouragement which helped me feel better. Then the guy who I had never met before, completely opened up. He told me that he has been married for 30 years and it is better than ever right now, but that he had "slipped" a few times in the past. He shared how years ago, he had met another woman, and he was so certain that she was his true soulmate that he left his W in a the most blazing bridge-burning manner that all his friends and relatives were shocked. He described how he was postive he had done the right thing, and he was going forward with a new and exciting life. Then he said, little by little, he would discover a new door opening within the OW, and a little bit more of this OW's inner aspects were revealed to him. Over time he found himself thinking more and more about his W, and her good traits. Months went by, but he was beginning to rethink things, and he could not believe, and he still wonders, how could my W take me back? He said he still finds it hard to believe that he is fortunate enough to be back with her. This is a true story, and his retelling of it to me, with candle light reflecting on his face and eyes, infused me with much hope.

I am in awe of how much wisdom and experience-based advice people on this SSM board have been providing you and I and others. Let us support each other as we go forward in the next weeks and months. I believe in you as I believe in myself.

Hang tough!

LG