It's about three weeks out from the move from HI and the subsequent two week vacation in CO w/D19 before settling down in NJ. The question is what to do, if anything, with w/xw while in her town. Things are still hot/cold between us when we e-mail. One day she'll be super-pleasant and the next super-angry. For me, I'd still like to see the whole family together again and not sure how I feel about her anymore. IMHO, the whole R thing is not logical enough to be figured out. When a W has strong feelings for a M then despite whatever his faults, they are overlooked but when said guy over the years gets put on the W's sh_t list, then there are enough terms (controlling, passive-aggressive, smothering, abandoning, etc, etc) that no matter how much the M has improved, fault can always managed to be found.
After more thought about the possibility of an "us" and why, another thing I've come up with is that with all the behavioral improvements I've made over the past year and a half, it's still in my nature that the more I'm told I can't have something, the more I want it. Guess I just love a challenge, and this would be the ultimate. But also in my nature to be one of those on the "D but not done" board, not one like others where there is great bitterness, anger, resentment, even hatred towards one's ex.
Anyway, with the trip coming up, need to work on plans. One path is to just avoid her altogether and see what happens and the other branch is to make arrangements to get together. Always work best in person than over the phone or through electrons. At this point still vacillating, will sleep on it. Do know that she is not ready for an "us" yet but thinking about establishing a foundation for the future. Besides, despite being back on the mainland, will still be thousands of miles apart at least for a while.
Would be interested in hearing comments. RJ
both 48 M'd 23 yrs D final Aug 06 D19 (college), S16&S14 w/me
