Oh the roller coaster...

[catfan]

Well my walk/run the other night has proven to be a nice turning point for me. It along with the emotional breakdown I had on myself really helped me to let a lot of that anger go. I realized all I wanted was love in my heart and since then that's what's been there.

This past Friday we started our one week on/off summer routine. I picked up the girls on Friday and had them through the weekend. Our youngest went today to my mother-in-law's for the week. But on Friday night we ended up all at our home watching a movie and having pizza. It was my wife's idea after I invited her to join the girls and I for dinner. That went really well and we both enjoyed being together as a family. She took off on Saturday morning for our beach house. She returned at lunch today so she could drive D9 to her mother's. The girls and I were at our house and had just finished packing D9's stuff. We were about to head out to get lunch when my wife arrived. So we all went to lunch together.

Lunch was an interesting happening. I happened to ask about the downtown concert Thursday and if she was going again this Thursday. (It's a regular Thurs thing through the summer.) She said probably not because it was lame. She mentioned the only people that seemed to be there were coworkers or excoworkers. I asked anyone I knew and she was reluctant to say and finally mentioned a few names. One was a woman that I am good friends with but my wife didn't mention anything about their conversation. I have always thought my wife felt threatened by this woman, she has all the qualities I find attractive in my wife. Well yesterday this woman called me to tell me she had run into my wife at the concert and gave me a quick rundown of their conversation. So this woman asked my wife how things were going and my wife replied "I don't know but you'd know better than me." (Side note this woman went through a nasty divorce last year and she and I have spoken at length about it all for both of us but I haven't spoken to her in at least a month.) The friend told my wife she didn't know because she hadn't spoken to me in over a month. She pulled my wife aside and told her "he loves you more than anything and would do anything for you."

Ah so now I think I know another reason my wife got a bit distant. This is the woman I think she feels could get me from my wife. Truthfully she's right but this woman would and has never viewed me in the same light. That said, I am committed to my wife and my marriage. My wife is the woman I love and want to be with.

Well back to lunch. I mention I am trying to get tickets to see The Police in London in Sept. I plan on crashing on the sofa at a good friend's house which is next to the venue. This lead to mention of tickets for a show my wife bought. Evidently just recently she bought tickets to see a broadway show when it comes to town in January. She bought 4 tickets. I asked, are you telling me I need to block off a day in Jan? She said, no not yet, let's see how things go. This then lead to talk of a winter ski vacation and she's been looking at trips for 4 for that as well.

After lunch we stopped at a little shop that she admired and I urged her to go into. She found a cute pair of shorts and made sure I approved. While at the register to pay she was struggling with her purse and without thinking I pulled out my wallet and paid for the shorts, nearly $180 at that. It really surprised her. She thanked me with a huge smile and I said no problem and just enjoyed seeing her smile. It was worth every penny I paid.

So I guess maybe she's holding her cards a bit closer to the vest then and not letting me know too much about what's she thinking and feeling. Interesting especially now that I have gotten the anger out of the way, I can see these things a lot better.

Finally to top if off as she left with D9 she started to say "I..." but stopped herself. Hmmm was she about to say what I think?

All of this has really help solidify my resolve now. She's thinking and processing. Now I am just showing love with no expectations and it seems to help us get rid of the tension. I'm focusing on her, not me or the situation and it feels so good! I sure hope I can keep this up for the summer because if I can I believe very good things will happen this summer!