I do not know why I am still feeling the way that I do. I have been dealing with the breakdown of my M for 6 months now and you would think that having my W show me that she filed for D would not hurt as much.
It still pains me to see her acting all happy and telling me how wonderful her life is and how great it is going to be without me being apart of it anymore. She crushed every dream that I ever had. I used to play baseball in the Braves farm system and walked away from it for her. Up until the point that I meet my W baseball was my R. I gave everything to it and when I walked away from it I put everything into her. Now all my dreams of being a family and growing old together are gone. It hurts like hell to suppress all of them since they are nomore.
She has become unbelievable selfish to the point were she has broken up two families and crushed 4 little girls(The OM has two girls the same ages as mine). She thinks that life is going to be so grand without me. Now I sit here trying to figureout how I am going to pickup the pieces from my shattered M.
Today I went golfing with some friends, which only one of them new about what is going on until today. How am I supposed to keep quiet about my D? This loss consumes me. My W was my first and only true love now she is leaving and she is making me watch her ride off all happy knowing that Scott is nolonger apart of her life in a significant way.
ERC = Scott
I am currently at my parents house with our girls and will bring them home after 2DD wakes up from her nap. They are my biggest loss. I will nolonger be able to see their beautiful faces every day. I will nolonger be able to tuck them into bed and pray with them every night. I will nolonger be able to come home from work every day and have them run into my arms.
I have no regrets. I loved my W as best I could over the last ten years. Was I perfect? No, but I do not think anybody could have done it any better then I had. I have no regrets on how I handle this sitch. Sure I screwed up when it came to DBing, I am human.
She blames me for everything. I emotionally neglected her. I never recognized the best part of her and ignored it. She is nolonger going to let me hold her back. She is going to live life to its fullest and not have me to keep her down. It really sucks to hear her say these things. Especially since I always put her needs infront of mine. Thinking back I never neglected her one bit, I neglected myself. I let her have whatever she wanted because I loved her. Even when she told me she only wanted this or that I would make sure that she got the best of whatever it was. I am not just talking abput material things, I encouraged her friendships, her ministries, her work.... I am talking about everything that I could provide her in life I tried my best to give it all to her. Again, I am not perfect. I have my flaws. I am just hurting and lonely. I miss my W and it will take me a long time to get over her and how she has crushed me.
Hopefully I can get with the lawyer that I want this next week, maybe she can offer me hope for custody of my girls. I really do not think that I have much of a chance and that I am going to be dragged through the mud somemore.
As for the OM. My W still claims that it is over with him, which is total BS. I have read in multiple books that when an A ends there is atleast a 3 week period of mourning over the loss of the R. That has never occured with my W. So she is still lying when she tells people that she is not leaving me for another man and that is the emotional neglect and the way that I made her feel for so long. Again Who is she kidding.
I hope everyone and your sitch's are doing better then me and mine.
