You know I've already been in your shoes. I know what you are feeling though. When people say what good is snooping, well, your thinking, if 99% of the time he's acting the "right" way, and we never knew about the 1% he's still contact the OW, then how do we ever really know? How do we know it ever really ends? They say, you will know by their actions, not by their words, but your H IS acting as an H now.
I know it really sucks that he's hiding this now. I know that's what my H did. Once in a great great while I wonder if my H still is, but that's hardly ever. And like someone said, you don't want him to keep getting "caught" because he will just get better at hiding it.
I remember reading something about a parent finding out their kid was doing drugs, then the kid was hiding it, then the parents snooping and confronting, then the kid being even more sneaky. so basically the kid was learning how to be clever because the parents were snooping. So, I'm not really sure what should be done instead. maybe just focusing on the positive with them and giving a decided time to reevaluate and discuss if needed.
I think giving it a month is a good idea, and take what OT said too about taking the consequences with it. I think GALing is a very appropriate decision.
The only thing we have to be cautious of is not jumping to conclusions. He definitely shouldn't be contacting her, but we really don't know why. hey, and you got this far, you can definitely go a month!
about the fish..I'm not sure how fast goldfish grow, so your okay for a little bit. On the fin rot, one of mine had that too, but I never used chemicals. I try to avoid it if I can, and I haven't used any yet. Having the biowheel is a good filter, it actually helps the tank cycle faster. Have you gotten a test kit? it can be helpful. Then you don't have to take your water to the store to have them check it. The strip tests are ok but they are not as accurate as the test tubes. The most important is the Ammonia,Nitrites, Nitrates. The first two should read zero, and the last never over 40. Ph test is also good to have. Depending on your water, whether it is hard or soft can change the Ph. Don't get too attached to the fish though. They don't live quite as long/well as dogs/cats. So many things can happen in a tank that can cause them to die. Stress, disease, agression from other fish, tank water..etc. Sounds like your doing a good job though.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
