Still working on happiness

[Mickey]

I am no expert Cindy but I think you may be right. My 'ex' became engaged to ow this past Christmas...he started sending us money about that time. I think he felt like a cad and this was his way of trying to make things easier for me.

Your h right now appears to be being nice to make it easier on himself right now. Let's trust that maybe this is part of his growth process. Still on his journey.

Hugs,
Mickey

[Cinderellaman]

Your h right now appears to be being nice to make it easier on himself right now.

True, but I find him becoming more insecure and less self confident when he's around me or me and my friends...he used to be the MAIN character, now, he needs to move for the LEADING LADY !!! hahaha - (that's me !!)
He sees my friends full of love, cuddles and warmth for me and I think it makes him feel a bit insecure ....

Oh well, sorry for the hijack, I think many wise things have been posted here lately, I love it, when things become so clear in certain posts !!!

[Mickey]

Yes, and I think that is a good sign....a small step in this process. I think there is a long way to go for him to be what you deserve. Just my humble opinion. We don't know what may happen tomorrow. You are standing strong in your faith. That will never fail you.

[Cinderellaman]

I think there is a long way to go for him to be what you deserve.

thanks ! That is SO SWEET !!!

I feel strong in my faith and in my being ME again....I do pray a lot now and I have really left H's side of this up to GOD !

My side on the other hand is UP TO ME, with help from God !!

haha !!

I'll be ok, I love my kids tremendously and they give me joy and laughter and so much reasons to be the best person I can be !!!

Thanks Mickey !! You are too kind ! xxx

[Mickey]

We'll make it through this won't we. We will lean on each other thru the boards and even take the kicks when we need them...knowing all along that we have each others' best interest at heart. The kicks are our way of saying....you/we deserve better....just trust in the process.

Love,
Mickey

[MnSPD]

N,

Sent you an invite on myspace. Found you on Lisa's page.

Steve

[ACJ]

Like Annie i did all the wrong things when I first found out my H was up to tricks again. Between finding out and leaving I had him at home for a week. It was a very weird week and in a way one in which we have never been so close as then! I wrote him a poem. I printed it on a nice piece of card intending that he take it with him when he left. My original plan had been to put it in his suitcase so that he would find it later. However, two nights before he left we had an arguement where he told me that he thought I had never loved him. I duly pulled out the poem and read it to him aloud putting all the feeling into the words that I had experienced when I wrote it. He sat and sobbed. He said it was the most beautiful thing that he had ever heard and that I should take up writing as a profession! It didn't stop him from leaving and he didn't take it with him! I still have it though. Here it is:

Goodbye My Love

Beneath the surface lies the torture of a troubled soul
Beneath the surface lie the pieces of a life no longer whole.
Where did the love and respect go
That we have shared together?
Where will our paths end up now
That you are gone forever?

Turmoil is not just a word it is a way of feeling,
Turmoil best describes a life that no longer has a meaning.
Others lives still go on
And seem like they don’t care.
Mine goes on unwillingly
It’s more than I can bear.

Darkness creeps in everywhere and fills my aching mind,
Darkness will become a way of life and to my soul will bind.
Goodbye my love, be happy
It’s all I want for you.
Goodbye my love, find peace now
But know my love stays true.

[I_Still_Love_Him]

Nicola,

It's amazing what is reveal once we are close enough to the situation or a person to at least know that what we thought all along was for not. Yes, she may have appeared attractive from a distance and maybe she still is but the whole package just doesn't measure up to you at all. I had the priviledge to meet you in person and I have to agree with the others that H had to find someone who is as insecure as he is. You have the whole package and he just doesn't feel that way about himself right now.

I can imagine how hard it must've been to introduce yourself but that was an amazing thing you just did. You approached her while looking confident and beautiful which is now going to make her feel insecure every time your H is going to be around you.

As for your H, well, now that you are acknowledging his gf and looking confident and beautiful, he will realize that you are no longer chasing him. I can only imagine that at some point, he will become attracted to you again. The question is always "Will it be too late". "Will you have moved on." This is the risk the WAS takes.

You sound well.

ACJ,
That poem was beautiful (eyes welling up). Although your H didn't take the paper with the poem on it with him, your voice as you read it to him will forever be ingrained in his memory.

[princess_nic]

BBA~

Thank you. My H has said things on several occasions that lead me to believe that he really does think he's doing me a favour. And, in fact, perhaps he is, and I am just too stubborn to see it! I know I haven't made him out to be a great guy. And right now, he isn't. He hasn't been for a while actually. Could he be? I think so, but it would take a lot of work. Work that he's not willing to do.

That said, it probably doesn't take a lot of work to be w/ this woman right now. They are still new in the R, and she won't have the same expectations of him as a wife and the mother of his children. I'm sure it is easier for him to be with her. He doesn't have to make a big effort; in fact, he can be lazy and still be appreciated - not the case with me. And I'm not apologizing for that!

What's important to me though, is not really what he thinks. I want YOU to finally see that YOU are way better than he deserves too.

You always turn my eyes back to myself - thanks for that! That's where my focus should be.

Snodderly~

Thank you for a great post. You put it so clearly and succinctly. I don't think my H feels that he could ever come back to me. He has just messed up so badly. And it seems like his behaviour is escalating, almost like he wants to be sure that there is no way in hell I would ever take him back.

And thanks for telling me I deserve better. I really need to get to the place where I can really believe that.

Of course, all you guys ever hear is my side of the story. I actually think that, on the surface, he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong. He's so supremely self-centered.

[princess_nic]

Alison, what a beautiful, loving poem. As ISLH said, I'm sure he will never forget that moment.

ISLH~
You can always bring a smile to my face with your kind words, thoughtfulness and sense of humour.

I had the priviledge to meet you in person and I have to agree with the others that H had to find someone who is as insecure as he is. You have the whole package and he just doesn't feel that way about himself right now.

This means a lot to me, since we have actually met in person.

I don't know if he will ever be attracted to me again, or if I will want to be with him if he is. I doubt that he will change his mind, but you never know...I do hope, though, that regardless, I move on to better things.

And yes, the gf will probably wonder about me now!