Sorry all this is happening. I can tell you from experience that people involved in A's often have no idea what damage it is going to cause, until it happens. Sometimes the damage has to go nuclear to wake them up. From my own sitch, the A was a wake-up call to my bad M. I was kinda hoping your W would do the same thing, wake-up one day and not only realize that the A is bad, but also come to a realization that a M with an A has serious problems that need to be fixed in a serious, conscious, coordinated way. I think she will wake up, but it may not be until you and her are split.
One thing you should probably be considering is that she will probably wake-up and want to get back with you sometime in the future. How are you going to handle that? I know you say that what you love about her is gone, but love is a tricky thing. If she were to come back to you with "guns blazing" so to speak (i.e. being everything you wanted her to be), what are you going to do? It might be a good thing if you could talk to Blackfoot and others who have gone through reconciliation attempts to get some advice.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
