It's not you nor your posts. I'm reading and posting just b/c it's fun to correspond with you. I think it's the late nights and it's that "kick back" that comes from each "high." I'll feel great, and then, after a while, it becomes an effort to keep it all going, and then the blues come back in.
I woke this morning thinking about this summer and how once the boys are out of school -- as of Monday! -- H will have no easy situation where he can see them on a regular basis. To add to that, in a week, he starts teaching summer school and the pace is such that only in the evenings will he have time to see them. This is when having him at home would be the solution -- the boys would have him around on a regular basis if they are around or not.
So, do I say this to him? Do I just ask him what he's thinking? I'm scared to suggest some type of exchange of kids - AKA custody swap type thing - as it would just make the whole D thing feel possible. I know what others would say -- if we do divorce, H wouldn't be here all the time and we'd have to find some solutions. And here's when my own pain about S2 comes roaring in and I want to scream at H that S2 deserves to have his dad around during his early teen years just as S1 did.
So here's the downside of yesterday's rise. I think that you are right that these boards are a blessing and a curse -- there are times when I know that I'm obsessing about all of this just b/c I'm reading them all the time -- but I'm a big girl and can "go dark" here too.
I read your posts and I can hear all of the emotions and ups-and-downs that are in my future if we hang in there. I can't imagine my H being as patient as you and your H in terms of how you are living; I think he would push the divorce before he would agree to live so comfortably together/apart. Still, if he doesn't push it, I don't know yet that I will, so I can imagine riding this roller coaster even more ferociously.
Today dawned grey and potentially rainy again, and I'm not sure even Prince will pull me out. Maybe I need to pick up one of the dozen books I have here waiting for me to read -- or maybe I'll just settle in to a marathon of watching the first season of House, M.D. (we only just discovered the show here in our house, and I can see why so many people love it!). It might not be as wonderful a day as yesterday, but please don't beat yourself up for that. It's just the DB/separation blues playing!
