a) Wife drove with OM to a company training session yesterday, and then lied to me about it. Furthermore, his presence in her car made her unable to respond to my text message invitation to join me on her way home in picking out S14's graduation gift, so her inappropriate behavior is continuing to spoil family life as she's gone from being a bad wife to also being a bad mother.
b) Despite my boundary -- and her promise -- of "no contact" from within the walls of our home, or in front of our children, I found out that she has been making phone calls from the home phone to him for each of the past 3 days, and has called him from here more than a dozen times over the past month.
I confronted her about both of these things last nite, and she just continued to lie. It got ugly. I called her "A LIAR AND A CHEAT!" in front of the kids, which I regret, but in a calmer moment, alone, I told her that I was done with this fight, that she was no longer worth fighting FOR.
Today is a horribly sad day for me. D20 and D18, my two baby girls, move out of our house and into the world, and last night I had to tell them both that I can no longer fight for a woman who has cheated on me, continues to lie to me, and has met none of my primary needs for most of the past 20 years. I COULD, if I wanted to, but I realize that there is no longer anything in there that I love, and that woman that I fell in love with left long, long ago. Since she feels the same way about me anyway, I really don't see the point in all of this, as we're only making each other miserable, we're prolonging the kids' (and our own) agony, and we might as well get a 6-month headstart on the rest of our lives.
I wanted to let you all know. I told NOP last nite. He disagrees, saying that "all cheaters lie," and that I can't base my decision to give up the fight on those lies, and so I prayed about it and slept on it, at his encouragement. I feel no differently this morning, and what I'm realizing is that it's not just the post-OM woman that I've fallen out of love with -- it's the cold, frigid often-b#&ch that has been in my life most of the past 20 years. The main "WIFE" quality that attracted me 23 years ago was the way she felt about -- and treated -- me (talk about "fused", huh), and that's been gone for a long, LONG time. And the main "PERSON" quality that I at least continued to admire and respect was the type of mother that she was, and now she's making horrible, horrible decisions there as well.
I've tried to point all of this out to her, firmly but lovingly, for the past two weeks, and love her thru this, but not only has she not taken the FIRST little baby step to meet me somewhere in the middle, she's lied and lied and lied throughout, and pushed her entire family further away.
She's about to get what she's been wishing for.
I want to thank you all for your enouragement, and your help and advice, at a time when I had very little (or nothing) to give in return on each of your threads. I especially want to thank NOPkins, my brother, who's been there for me in ways that I did not deserve, 24/7, with either a kick in the azz or loving Christian encouragement, as the situation dictated. He's incredible, and I could not have handled my children this past week without his wise counsel, and WHATEVER "Man, I'm gonna miss that Choc." thoughts my wife may take out of this marriage will probably only come from the self-improvements that he helped me to display in front of her during this time.
