What caused the hope for reconciliation in your previous post?
She called me up to tell me something about one of the kids. Every time there was a lull in the conversation she wouldn't say she has to go like she usually does. So, after a few seconds I'd bring up something non-R to say.
A couple of times during the lulls I'd ask her what's on her mind. She'd say, "Nothing." Well, finally during a lull we were silent for what seemed like forever and she finally said, "I guess I'll let you go." To which I firmly said, "W, what's on your mind?"
She got a little angry and said, "We've been separated 7 months and I keep calling hoping you will want to talk about our R, but you never do." So, we got into a long talk about our R which ended up being more of, "You did (whatever terrible thing)." To which I'd respond, "Well, I did that because you did (whatever terrible thing)."
When I brought up the fact that OM still wasn't out of her life after over a year of this crap she had the nerve to tell me she kept OM around because I was being such a jerk. To which I responded, "I was being such a jerk because OM was still around." So, we always get into these circular arguments and she never admits that just maybe she was in the wrong.
We agreed to stop talking about things that happened in the past. Then she started saying she couldn't trust me because I'd lied to her so much in the past.
That's not actually true. I lied to her about one thing. After we finally separated I got involved with an OW mainly because she'd had an OM for over a year. It was a big mistake on my part. When she started talking about reconciling 5 months ago though I felt I owed it to her to come clean on that. She took it terribly and now in her mind I've lied to her about many things throughout our marriage.
She's the one who has lied. She's lied about where she's been, who she's with, and even lied about money. You see, my W isn't exactly right in the head. She doesn't see things the way most people do. She can think of every justification for keeping OM around or anything else she does that's unacceptable in a relationship, but me getting involved with someone else is much worse no matter that I at least waited until we were separated and she told me we were definitely through.
If ever there's any damage in any of her relationships, it's up to the other person to fix it. She's been mad at her sister for months now and I got really tired of hearing about it.
Anyway, during that discussion I told her we needed to go out to dinner one night and talk about it face to face. She agreed but she doesn't seem to be in any hurry to do it. Then again, I don't know that I am either. Who wants to be with someone that in their head can justify any behavior they engage in but thinks if I engage in the same or similar behavior it's terrible?
She is no longer who she was when we married. I remember when we first got married her belief was, "If you think about cheating, that's cheating." Later that became, "If you seriously think about cheating, like planning how you can get away with it, that's cheating." Later, "I seriously thought about it when I was out at the bar one night (alone, like always) and this guy from Europe invited me to go to his room. I thought he'd be going back to Europe tomorrow and no one would ever know. But, I didn't go through with it." (I actually don't believe that since she kept a couple of reminders of him and he tried to contact her to invite her to Florida later that year, I have no way of knowing for sure though.)
Still later she started talking about having an "open marriage". This is when our R really started getting strained. I knew this was not what I wanted and I started feeling uncomfortable around her. Then later I get her to admit to a PA with the OM who has been around for two years now.
Honestly, if I didn't have children, I would be happy to let her go her own way. I do still love her, but I pity her now too and she isn't worth all the trouble. She's a confused mess but most people who have frequent contact with her don't see it because they only see what she wants them to see. I'm one of the few who truly know all of the things she's done in the past few years. Without the kids I'd be happy just to be there for her whenever she needs a friend.
Sorry for the rant. There's a few weeks of pent up frustration in there since I haven't posted in a while.
