mjs1, your advice makes a lot of sense but today (since he no showed for our MC appt. yesterday)I am questioning if I really want to continue the fight for my marriage. To me, my husband isn't acting like the man I married and don't I love the man he is now. I absolutely love the man I married but it seems like a crap shoot whether or not he will ever be anything like he was. Everyday that this goes on, everytime he hurts me, I seem to care a little less. If my husband just gave me some signs that he truly cared, I could stay in this with my whole body and soul, but when I get nothing from him, my will to fight seems to fade.
I have been praying to God to help save my marriage and guide me in the right direction. It does seem like some of those prayers are being answered by letting me move forward with some things in my life. Here are some examples...looks like I am probably going to be buying a new home, which is something I truly need to help me feel more settled (My H wanted to buy my father's house so we moved in and right after, we separated. We never did complete the purchase which is okay with my father. The house is too big for me and the kids and it just doesn't feel like home to me). I also bought a new car (with no help from my H) which is further evidence that I am moving forward plus I have the opportunity to establish new friendships (but I am struggling with that issue).
Okay this is my latest dilemma... The house I possibly might buy just fell out of escrow and became available. I did put a deposit down on the house to hold it but I will have to open escrow (30 day) the first part of the week. I have not talked to my H about this because I am trying to go dim (haven't really spoken to him since Tuesday when he said to "give it a couple of day"). I know my H liked the house (we looked at the models long before we seperated) well enough and I know he is not comfortable in my father's home. I would definately want to colaberate with my H about the purchase but since I do not see us really piecing anytime soon, if we ever do, does it really make sense to do that? Do I move forward with purchasing the house or do I continue to wait to see what happens with my H? I know I am on a roller coaster and tomorrow will proably feel more like my M is worth saving so, I'm not sure if I should take the risk of making matters worse for us. Your opinions are greatly appreciated!!!
