Sashaying thru Seperation IV

[ourcrisis]

MC, you will have the "is this worth fighting for" moments. It is a roller coaster. It will bother you, wait for the emotions to pass. as long as you expect it and learn to deal with it, it will be OK.
I also have the feeling W is not spending as much time with OM anymore. Look for those little positive signals. I see that her calling you is a good sign.

[mcojh]

Frank-I have no proof that she is involved in a PA with the OM anymore. As far as I know, she is seeing him at work and possibly seeing him outside of work on a limited basis. I am basing this on the fact that she is around so much when she doesn't have the kids.

In comparison to earlier, befofre she moved out, I don't feel that she is seeiing him as much. She has all the time in the world to talk to him on the phone.

So based on this, I haven't "gone dark", because it seems to me that she is confused and deciding.

The adultery I was rambling about last night is the feelings of the fact of what she has done. I was really and still am really down. Just don't know why......

[mcojh]

One other thing, I asked her earlier in the week to go to a movie Sat night adnd then out for a drink. She hasn't replied (it was in an e-mail). I will not (I hope) bring it up unless she does.

[lovelyolive]

Hi Mc - I think you are right that she can't be spending as much time with the om since she is spending so much time with you and the family. Then again.. what do i know?! I'm in the same situation and have those same feelings at times. It is so hard to wrap your head around the facts of the adultery. I try to think about forgiveness at those times.

I think our S's actually believe that they have all of the control... that they are the only one's with a choice here.. not even thinking that we have a choice as well. Stay or go? Forgive or not? Take Care..

[mcojh]

Strange night. W called about tomorrow, as she is working and if I wanted the boys with me or not. That spiraled into her saying we never talk anymore blah blah blah. I asked her hat has changed, and she said nothing, and went into the whole ILYBNILWY thing. She asked me to go through mediation rather than get two attorney's. I said I was against that at this time.

I decided to go for broke and lay my feelings out on the line. I told her that IL her and always have. I told her that I want a R with her, but I felt I couldn't pursue a R because she wouldn't accept it. I told her that I wanted to do special things for her but was afraid that she would reject me. I told her about how I want to be able to call her and say hi, but feel like I would ne intruding.

I told her that we were both changed people and we needed to give us a chance before filing for D. We talked for almost an hour and I told her how I felt and what I wanted. I took responsibility for what I had done in our R, but was clear that I was not all at fault. I also told her what she had done was horrible and yet I was willing to try to forgive her.

During the talk, I said things about us reconciling several times and she never said no, or yes for that matter. I don't know what will come of this, but if she refuses, what else can I do? She gives me the impression in one breath that she is dead set on a D, and then tells me that she doesn't know what to do.
She also made a odd statement. She told me that she didn't want to touch me because it gave me false hope.....WTH....

Smiling and waving.

(Oh, I asked her about tomorrow night and told her that her not responding to my invitation was rude. I told her I would talk to her tomorrow about it. I feel like we need to go out and talk at least.)

One other thing I almost laughed at, I said something about how good I feel and look from losing weight and working out, she replied, its not all about looks......I guess so when the OM is fat....

[Dr LOve]

Mcojh

it must be in the book
"She also made a odd statement. She told me that she didn't want to touch me because it gave me false hope.....WTH...."

My W said the same thing
Husband

[mcojh]

Well, I am doing much better today. I had a good day with the boys. S15 and I went to a cycling class and then spent the rest of the day doing yard work. We cut down a tree that I hated and hauled it away.

CW came over to pick up the boys and was dragging on the conversation. I am not sure what she wanted. Finally, she stalled long enough that the boys had gone outside. I decided she was looking for me to bring the movie up so I did. Her response was the typical, sure if you still want to. It is almost like she is looking for validation and wants to know that I really want to be with her. Some of the stuff she said yesterday leads me to believe either that she is definately done with me, which is a possibility, or that she is having second thoughts and doesn't know if I would take her back. I asked her if she could ever allow me to forgive her, and she never answered........

Going to a movie and going to smile and wave.........

[mcojh]

Went to the movie "Knocked Up". Movie was ok, pretty funny in parts. Kind of ironic it had a sub plot of a wife who thought her H was having an A and they were having all kinds of problems.

We had a ok time, nothing differant than other times. We went out for a drink and an appetizer after the movie. We talk about non R stuff, but no talk about us. I brought her home and gave her the usual hug, a little colder today than past but I am probably over analyzing.

How much more can a person endure. I want to continue, but what is the limit???? I caught myself thinking about an aquaintence (female) who asked me out for a drink a while back. She did it not knowing anything about me. I would love to accept. That is so wrong to think.

[ourcrisis]

MC,
it must be in the book
"She also made a odd statement. She told me that she didn't want to touch me because it gave me false hope.....WTH...."
Yes, must be in some MLC/infidelity book, (laughing now). My h said the same thing about not being "too nice to me because he didn't want to give me false hope".
Read into this however, that means she actually wanted to touch you but was restraining herself. She IS deciding. Keep up the good work.

[ourcrisis]

Not sure if this is true for your wife. But as a female, I like h repeat things (ILY stuff). Guys may want the wives to say, "let's go movie" and drop the subject. I personally would like it better if h repeats things and keep saying we have an appt on certain days. not sure if it is true for your wife.
I really think she is deciding, but it is tough for her to let go of OM.