Madonna/Whore Complex Part 4

[Heywyre]

I forgot a part of our conversation - lol

When he mentioned that we would "figure it out" he also threw in the comment "it just seems so amateurish".

My comment to that was "well, there is obviously a reason he is getting us to do that".

And H said "ya, I know, to "reconnect" I guess".

And I said, "well it has been a very long time"

H agreed

[OG_Lou]

I asked him when we were going to schedule it since I start working again Monday and with him working nights, its going to be difficult. He said "don't look so serious, we'll figure it out. I will probably have at least one day off this week". I don't know what difference that makes because I don't get home until the later part of the afternoon, he's sleeping, gets up and has supper and then gets cleaned up and goes back to bed because he has to leave at 11:30 - so regardless of him having a day off, how's he going to do it?

I heard the working excuse (day before working, working days, day after working to rest up) as a reason to not be intimate.

I know your H is different than I am, I can imagine a couple tines each day, working days-nights or what ever, to do at least some of the home work.

There is a book, "Peace Between the Sheets" that has some ideas you might find useful.
http://www.amazon.com/Peace-Between-Shee...80840511&sr=8-1

Lou

[Heywyre]

Thanks for the suggestion Lou, I will check it out

Another obstacle I might be running into here with the M/W complex (if that's what he has) is he mentioned the other day about having sex for him was primarily about procreating and that there was a strong urge to do that (thus the younger women I guess that he had As with) and if WE can't do that, he says the urge is not there. All the more reason to believe it is associated with M/W

[oldtimer]

Hey Heywyre and GEL,

There is a young woman posting in Sexual Issues in the main DB forums. She had a great sex life until she got married 6 years ago. She's had sex about 20 times since then.

I thought perhaps y'all might want to invite her over here. I think it is probably a better place for her and that you two especially might have great insights for her.

[Greeneyedlass]

Will do, do you remember her screenname?

[OG_Lou]

he mentioned the other day about having sex for him was primarily about procreating and that there was a strong urge to do that (thus the younger women I guess that he had As with) and if WE can't do that, he says the urge is not there.
Sounds like it is all about him. What about you?

HW, I don't even play a shrink on TV but that sounds so not realistic, not practical to me, I can't believe he even said it.

It is only believable if:
1.He wants to get each woman pregnant.
2.If he does, how does he support each child?
3.He has to think about will all the women involved, would they put up with all of the other women and kids?
4.He can't be there for the kids formative years, school milestones, marriages, and so on.
5.He was adopted. Does he want kids to experience what he went through?
6.Is he getting back at someone else because he felt X, Y, or Z because he wasn't raised by his parents.

That having sex with fertile women reminds me of one of the guy's I met in the Army and a class of mostly inner city men that are proud of all the girls they knock up. The kids are supposed to be "trophies." The guys brag how many trophies he has.

Mother's Day (United States) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother%27s_Day_%28United_States%29 was May 13 in 2007 for most USA folks.

For the guys that have lots of trophies, Mother's Day is each month their trophy's mother gets her welfare check. Bootie call time to spend some of the welfare money. What kind of woman goes along with that kind of male behavior?

I don't have any first hand knowledge, I learned this information in conjunction with my college studies and because I worked in a delinquent boys group home.

My opinion, your H is trying to sell something I wouldn't be buying if I were you. Sure, he might believe it. Like I said I don't even play a therapist on TV, so take into consideration I don't know everything, and I have "opinions" based on what I think is right or wrong.

I read some of your old posts and see a regular pattern of your H saying the right words but not carrying through, doing something else, falling back into what ever was a problem for you.

I am somewhat addicted to the Internet, or I will say I rely on the Internet for lots and lots of things. If I had to give up using the Internet it would be difficult.

I was thinking your H is addicted to some old behaviors he tells you he is going to give up. I think he is going to have a difficult time giving up what ever it is that keeps him going back to seek the company or just to talk to younger women. Her having kids and him saying he is helping the kids is saying look at the good part of a bad/poor behavior pattern.

Maybe I said too much, so if so, take what I post as trying to help and missing the mark rather than me saying here is your problem. Maybe Choc's situation has me in a "get real" "get tough" "trust but verify" mode.

I think it is so good to have the ST you two have. The "don't ruffle any feathers" type of C feels good but changes/improvements take so long.

I have to do some painting, yard work, and water the tomatoes. Just popping in (slight addiction you know ) to see how life is treating my cyber friends.

Lou

[oldtimer]

Great, thanks. I hate to see her go through another 20 years of this stuff..

Her name is NTL

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...329#Post1080557

[Heywyre]

Wow, 20 times in 6 years. That's almost HD in my books - lol

[Heywyre]

Lou, when you said:

Sounds like it is all about him. What about you?

Maybe I should have explained myself a little more. It is not that he wants to have kids, actually it is quite the opposite. He actually says he never should have had kids because he isn't cut out to be a parent.

What I meant to say was, that's what he views sex as being for - to procreate. If you are not going to do that, or are past the point of doing it) like we are - his response is "what's the point"

This is VERY common for someone with M/W complex

I think it is so good to have the ST you two have. The "don't ruffle any feathers" type of C feels good but changes/improvements take so long.

I agree. As much as I liked the old MC, he was just too passive for my liking. This guy is much more direct and to the point.

I think he is going to have a difficult time giving up what ever it is that keeps him going back to seek the company or just to talk to younger women

This might be the case but if he wants to salvage the M, he is going to have to do it. No different from the alcoholic that wants a drink or the gambler that can't wait to get to the crap tables

Thanks for your honesty and concern

[SouthernGirl]

*Wants to say something. Decides not to. Wishes Heywyre all the best instead.*