He may still be in MLC. Try to give him space and relax (you do not have the power to fix his happiness. He has to do this on his own...). But you can try to make family life fun and special.... continue doing fun things together, dating, being a great listener, good friend, etc... Also, continue to try and be the sexy fun hottie wife, and encourage him to do things that make him happy. Does he need more excitement in his life? A fun hobby??? I actually know one older couple where the husband was in MLC, very depressed about his life, and ready to leave... he ended up staying when his wife encouraged him to get a jeep and he took up canoeing (of course, all relationships are different and that wouldn't work for everyone!).
Another thing to conisder is low dose antidepressants. He may find it helpful to ask his doctor about this. I don't like to encourage meds, but sometimes people do need them. I think as we get older sometimes our body chemicals change and we may need the extra serotoinin to help stabilize us.
Hummmm.... carrying the relationship on your back... that does sound a lot like me in the past. I wanted soooo much for my husband to be happy in the marriage that I became like a Stepford Wife. It's good to care about our spouses and try to meet their needs, but we cannot be entirely responsible for their happiness, they have to accept and deal with the fact it cannot always be perfect. No relationship is perfect. Your husband may still be grappling with this.... as well as the bio/chemical changes with aging and MLC.... Unfortunately you cannot help him with this. From everything I've read it's their journey. Another thing, OP are like a drug, they are EXTREMELY difficult to give up. I have to admit, I kind of experienced some of those feelings without actually having an affair.. during my divorce I did develop a "crush" on someone. A male friend I met who lives a few hours away. Fortunately, I'm very rational and objective, and have a very strong sense of boundaries, so I could experience the feelings without getting confused or carried away with them... but, what was completely fascinating for me was to experience the bio/chemical feelings of a crush and consider that this is what my husband probably felt and what occurs in early relationships when the "chemistry" is there. Being married for so long I had forgotten what that felt like. I do believe for some people those feelings can be addictive just like alcohol or drugs. Your husband may not miss OW (as an individual) but the feelings and bio/chemical reactions that relationship with her caused...
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
