Wow, very tough night. I agree with NOP on the bathroom thing.
This is my take on it from his perspective…
REJECTION 1: "Friday night comes. I said that morning, "Know what tonight is?" hugging him goodbye. He said, "[censored]-a-lot Friday?" Looking back now, I should have played along more, but I just kind of said, "Date Night.""
How REJECTION 1 sounds: "Quit being a d*ck and put it away."
Better: "Oh you hot stud, I love you so much!" or "Not quite, it isn't just f*ck-a-lot Friday, it is f*ck & s*ck-a-lot Friday!"
REJECTION 2: When I got out, I was walking around naked and bent over at one point, not his direction though. He said, "You should turn around." The kids were RIGHT THERE, underfoot, cranky, not dressed. I thought we were HURRYING to get out to a restaurant, before it got any later. I was NOT in the mood for advances. I KNEW it would be an issue, so I kind of went silent for a moment, actually trying to think of how to respond. I think I didn't say anything.
How REJECTION 2 sounds: "Quit being a gross pervert in front of the kids. I am soooo not interested I can't even say anything"
Better: Wink, turn around, bend over again to put on your other sock (or whatever) and shake your butt at him while saying to the kids, "come on, get a move on, Daddy and I have plans."
REJECTION 3: I stepped on something a moment later, and wanted to look at my foot in the light of the bathroom and somehow he insinuated he wanted to come in with me and shut the door and i got kind of pissy in my response to him because I was trying to get ready, didn't want to have sex, (I'm just being honest) and was thinking about if my foot had glass in it at the time.
How REJECTION 3 sounds: "Quit being a gross pervert, I don't care whether the kids are here or not. I am soooo not interested I can't even say anything. I can't believe how selfish you are, do you think with your d*ck all the time?"
Better: "Hey sweetheart. I gotta check my foot for glass. Wanna help me? Maybe we can play a little doctor."
Wow. And all this on "Date Night."
"He looks STEAMED."
Hardly surprising, he must have been very hurt.
"In retrospect, I can see that I was not very considerate of him, but it seemed SO impractical, right at that very moment."
The problem here is the "but." You were inconsiderate of him. The "but" takes away you acknowledging that.
"I rubbed his arm, said, "Honey, it's ok. Come in the bathroom for a minute." I thought he was stressed about not having the medicine for Sam. He said it really pissed him off. I didn't know it was about me. He said, in a disgusted voice, "No thanks, I don't want a sympathy [censored]!" "
REJECTION 4: I felt like I could not win. So, ok, I pull back. Nothing more I could do, I felt. Didn't know what else to do. I suggested the "quickie in the bathroom" because the kids were occupied, unlike earlier.
How REJECTION 4 sounds: "Good, I'm glad you don't want a pity f*ck, I was just offering because it was convenient anyway and so you wouldn't be pissy all night."
Better: "OMG sweetheart! I am so sorry you feel that way. I just realized what a dolt I'm being. I was so focused on us having a hot night later I ruined its start. I am soooo sorry, I didn't mean to be rejecting you, I meant to be getting to the point where you could pounce on me sooner."
"He said, "I feel like sloppy seconds, Robin. Not to be crude, but that's just how I feel." I was surprised by his comment, and said in a soft voice, "You know that's not true, you know I'm your girl." He said, not looking at me, "I wish you always had been." "
This sounds to me a bit like him striking out at you, not on purpose, but because he is projecting his pain onto you, rather than acknowledging the repeated pain of four rejections all on date night. That, and, it is possible to see from his perspective why he might feel like he only gets leftovers once you have taken care of all the things on your agenda. NOP also asked some great questions about this comment.
"So dinner was REAL FUN! We talked to the kids, but not each other."
Um, this is DATE NIGHT, right? Where is the DATE?
"We watch a little tv, but when I make a movement towards him, he is cold and not reciprocal. Finally, he says I don't feel like it. "
He is hurting because of the repeated rejection and lost interest in sex.
"I say that I wish I had known that earlier in the evening and he just scoffs. I say, no really, I just wish I had known earlier, because I'm disappointed."
Ouch again! This makes it about you and how he is letting you down. What about him? What about his hopes for date night? What about his daydreaming of having a W who is romantically and sexually all about him just for one night this week? Ouch ouch ouch.
"I think I somehow make one more move towards him, he says nope."
Just makes him feel how much he is hurting….
Anyway, you are obviously a caring person who recognizes a great deal of this. I just wanted to highlight a few things to perhaps bring out the pattern a bit more starkly.
