Need Veteran Piecer's Advice - desperately!!!

[Heartbroken]

Well I went to the baseball game - looking good and being VERY positive. Even flirted with the two single dad's of friends of my S9.

H and I talked non R stuff for the whole game - let him lead with work stuff and how the kids were last night.

THEN after the game he was stating how S9 was asking where H would live if we D'd. He told S9 that I would get a condo and he would stay at the house and we'd stay at the same schools and blah blah blah and H says I think he's taking it just fine. Well I asked him what happen to slowing down the D train and he said well that's what you wanted and he said it to help me along since I was having such a hard time talking D.

I said I want the next two mos as a real separation and if per chance he wants us to go to a MC he needs to take the lead and that I would go. I asked if he's talked to his parents - NO...

Well I left and the kids are still w/H tonight - I feel so so alone right now. I do not think I have even felt this lonely - maybe when he started all this [censored] last August I felt a bit worse - but I am sure in a world of hurt right now.

GOing to take a bath, took two simply sleeps pills - hopefully I can relax somewhat and sleep tonight...

Tomorrow I have three more condos to see...need to start facing the truth - or at least H's perspectives as crazy as they must be...

Take care everyone and I hope you are all doing better than me tonight!