welcome to my nightmare

[WAW in the OC]

Husband,
You are better off not talking to the OM. I too know where my W's boyfriend works, his phone#, his myspace page. I too have been a snooper and you are both right in that it only hurts more when I find out. I have decided to reduce if not eliminate my snooping.

It is really making me upset when I find out what my W is doing on her "business trips" with OM. I should say BF because he is only 22. And we have 3 beautiful kids, she has no idea what she is doing.

Today I really broke down and balled my eyes out to my sister and BIL. All because of what I found out by snooping. I was doing so good with GAL and PMA then I broke down. I haven't cried like that in weeks. My advice, stop the snooping. It only breaks your heart!

[andyv]

Husband,

I switched across to your sitch after reading the good advice you gave me on mine.

You should forget about the muppet (OM). He is not worth it.

I have done a few silly things in my sitch, but the one thing I am proud of is that I am better than the OM and I refuse to have any dealings with him, and do not even want to think about who he is or where he works or what W is doing when she is with him.

I already told my W (before she admitted to starting a R with OM just a few days ago) that she can do what she likes with him, but keep him out of my "space", and that includes our home, and keep him from my DD.

If or when we divorce, then she can bring this muppet into DD's life, but she is too young to understand that mummy is still married to daddy, and mummy has a boyfriend.

My W agreed to this. And I have controlled my temper to date, but If I ever found out that she reneged on this deal, then I would probably find OM and "explain" my request to him personally.

Until then, I will not have any dealings with this scumbag. If things do improve for me and W in the future, then I will not have any memories of OM to dwell about.

So please, as hard as it may be, drop him from your "Outer circle" and out of your thoughts completely. Trust me, I feel so much better not having him in my memory.

[Matilda2]

What do you have planned for the weekend, Huaband? Is this the trip to an amusement park? Have a terrific weekend and most of all, enjoy your camping trip next week!!! Concentrate on your son; don't worry about your W! (easier said than done, but try real hard!)

Matilda

[Dr LOve]

Thanks Matilda2

I'm having over analyzing problems right now. Yes we leave in about 3 hours for a 2 hour trip. Today we visit the Winchester house look it up on the internet, interesting place. We spend the night (at a motel not the house) and tomorrow the park. Unfortunately my son will miss the playoff game for his baseball team they are in second place. But if his team wins he will play next Thursday.
As I said I am starting to over analyze stuff. My W has "let" me buy some stuff for my jeep; she ordered me a lap top (arrived yesterday) that is really nice. But....... Why is she doing this? Is it because a big bomb is about to drop? Our 17 yr anniversary is July 14th. What a perfect day for her to say it's over. I don't know what to think. When I read other peoples posts it is so clear to me what is going on. But in my sitch I'm the one that is in the fog.
One thing I THINK I have a problem with is I take her mood swings too personal. She is in menopause so that may be part of it. I have this strange feeling that this trip is going to be a turning point in our R. It is either going to be a major step forward (I hope and pray) or possible back to square one. My other problem is I upset a really good friend of mine that I have been confiding in and now I may have lost the only adult friend that I had.
Everyone please if ya believe mention me in your prayers tonight. I have not been the perfect human being but I have tried.

Husband

[imLIN]

Have a great time...do what feels right...don't have too much fun ignoring but don't hang on her either...it is so hard finding the "happy balance"

And really try and avoid taking the mood swings personal...as a woman who is entering that menopausal period herself there are times when I react, say, or lash out with stuff...and at the same time inside I am thinking "What the hell are you doing?"...and I still can't seem to control it...sometimes I get SOOOOO emotional it makes me angry...and it really has little to do with those around me...but it seems they catch it...so really, don't take it personal...just be as gracious as you can about it...she is hatin' life right now...I can tell you that much...

Lin

[Dr LOve]

thanks imLIN

I do live in Petaluma

husband

[Concerned_Listener]

Husband,
I'm thinking of you. I'm not a theist, so I don't pray, but I will keep you in my thoughts.

My hope is that you remember that you're a person deserving and capable of love and compassion, regardless of the state of your M, or your W's opinion. In Buddhism, we are reminded to not be overly attached to other's opinions of us, because they will change.

I've been writing for about four months. I'm beginning to realize that the fiction writing process is a journey into the unknown. It starts with questions, that you're attempting to answer in the form of a story. A writer has to accept that the process evolves, and that answers aren't known for some time.

I think this is also a lesson for us LBS's. We have to accept that our questions aren't going to have an answer for some time (some will never be answered). In the meantime we keep practicing towards a spirit of goodwill towards our WAS, and cultivating love, joy, and compassion in whatever we do.

CL

[WAW in the OC]

Husband,
I am very sorry to hear what's happening to you. You need to keep a PMA for yourself and your kids. If nothing else changes at least you used GAL and it helped. I'm sure these past few months you've gotten closer to your kids as I have then ever before.

I will keep you in my prayers as well as everyone else on these sites. I know what you're going thru and it is a living hell. Just know that you are a good person and good things happen to good people.

[runningoutoftime]

Husband,

Don't worry about OM. He will become a faded emotionless memory. I know. This has happened to me.

I think your wife is doing some really sweet things for you. Definitely hug her and tell her she's a hot sex goddess (Hee hee!!!). By the way, a book that I've heard good things about is "The Passionate Marriage." It may help you get out of the "roommate" stage.

Another thing, menopause is a notoriously difficult time for women. Try not to take her mood swings personal. Also, MLC and women... I've known quite a few women who've had affairs and then walked out of their marriages. Your wife hasn't done that. She wants to be with you in spite of emotional upheaval, the pull of an old flame, and possible MLC... that's not easy!!! I think she really loves you and this shows me she's determined to be with you and keep her family together.

(P.s. don't worry about losing the one friend you had.... I expect you to go out and find a local group of guys you can hang out with once or twice a week for some guy talk; i.e. local Starbucks, a class, church group, or? ... that's your assignment!!)

[Dr LOve]

i have done the distancing, GAL and possative attatude. I trully am starting to beleve my W just does not love me any more. you can't make someone love ya. maybe i'm tne one that is in the fog.?