What do you want/need from a man when you say you want/need one who is more Alpha or more Top (or more monkey or puppy dog if you feel like the guy you are with is too staid or patronizing to be sexy)? To what extent does this desire extend to the relationship or the romantic context for your sexuality rather than just the sexual interaction itself?
Great questions. No easy answers. Although when it comes right down to it, I think it is all about me being able to express myself sexually without feeling ashamed/wrong/dirty/whatever. I just don't feel like that with my H so that is a part of me I have to tuck away. With other people, especially om, I did not have a basis for a long-term R, so it was easy to let my sexuality out in full force. I liked that aspect and it depresses me that the M will never be anywhere close to that level of expression. It is just different. Maybe that is really the issue too. I just want what I can't have. Who knows. Maybe if my H was totally top I'd be yearning for him to be more bottom. Can't say for sure. All I know is my sexuality is suppressed with H. That is the crux of the problem. And it oozes into all other aspects of our R/M. I do appreciate all your suggestions. I just don't have it in me right now to try the porn and all that. I'm trying to adjust to a level of contentment with the M as is. We'll see how it goes. I'm sure I'll be up and down depending on the day. But that's me. LFL
You want to be with a woman who is strongly attracted to/aroused by concrete physical masculine characteristics like muscles,balls, c*ck. You also want to be with a woman who assertively acts on that attraction to enhance her arousal or get-off. I'm pretty object-oriented for a woman so I will do things like feel a guy's muscles or handle his c*ck in order to turn myself on more (of course usually two-way street.) That's the kind of behavior I think that you want. Unfortunately, most women tend towards contextual or atmospheric turn-ons rather than object-oriented turn-ons (me too, I'm just kind of off the curve), so you may need to think outside the box you've boxed yourself into.
P.S.- Interesting note for the men. Based on recent informal anecdotal convos I've had with HD women about female object-orientation, I would say more women are directly turned-on visually by big balls than a big c*ck. Makes sense if you think about it.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Our situation wasn't as extreme as honeypott's or LFL's, but reading her description and thinking back, my W became the "ideal bottom" at those times. I don't know who flipped first, but somehow she ended up letting me "take her", not as in passively letting me, but more like eagerly and enthusiastically letting me have my way with her. I felt it right away coming from her, kind of a relaxed eagerness as opposed to a determined, aggressive eagerness. Verrry sexy.
I used to think a sexually aggressive female was the ideal. It's still fun to deal with an aggressive female, but the relaxed eager female sort of "melting into me" that way is a kind of turn-on I never thought possible.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
I used to think a sexually aggressive female was the ideal. It's still fun to deal with an aggressive female, but the relaxed eager female sort of "melting into me" that way is a kind of turn-on I never thought possible.
Well, if that's what you want from a woman all you have to do is validate, validate, validate (but don't placate. -lol) If you haven't been validating your W and that's how she's acting either she's very self-validating or some other guy(s) are validating her. In other words, that's how a woman acts if she wants it and she knows she's going to get it. So either you've validated her enough to give her that impression or she's feeling remarkably self-confident and self-aware or she's very relaxed about her sexuality because she knows if she can't get some from you at the moment, other men have clearly signaled their availability.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I would say more women are directly turned-on visually by big balls than a big c*ck. Makes sense if you think about it. Never thought it might be like that Mojo.
If women like big balls, is there a male reversal of this where men like large labia? Just curious?
I look at things for male and female equivalents, bell curves, social influences, etc.
One TV program I watch said that sexual satisfaction is low for many women because too many men equate penis sensation and think vaginal sensations are similar.
Sue asks the male callers if they can have an "O" with just getting his testicles rubbed.
Back to large balls, more sperm so more babies? More power, More/better what? Small testies in a species indicates the male rules because of his muscular powers.
Anthropologist (Helen fisher) say males that have larger balls is a sigh females are more promiscuous. The males need more powerful equipment so their genetic contribution has a better chance of fertilizing the female's egg.
Well, if that's what you want from a woman all you have to do is validate, validate, validate (but don't placate. -lol) If you haven't been validating your W and that's how she's acting either she's very self-validating or some other guy(s) are validating her. In other words, that's how a woman acts if she wants it and she knows she's going to get it. So either you've validated her enough to give her that impression or she's feeling remarkably self-confident and self-aware or she's very relaxed about her sexuality because she knows if she can't get some from you at the moment, other men have clearly signaled their availability.
Would you say, then, that this is how honeypott started behaving? As far as I know, Mr. honeypott wasn't turning up the validation and she was strongly resistant to getting validated or getting what she wanted from other men.
In my case, my memory of the timing is a little fuzzy, but I think it was near the beginning of our upswing, so she probably didn't have lots of stored validation. Maybe because of the timing, the validation I had recently started giving her was hitting her extra hard?
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
