what is most frustrating is that he is behaving in the exact way i did when we were separated last summer. H and i have agreed on mny occassions that this was wrong of me. so the behavior is wrong, and yet he feels so justified that he chooses to do it.
i'm also not sure that my taking accountability and apologising for the entire downfall of our marriage was such a good idea. now it's used as something to throw back in my face. he refuses to see that anything he may have done might have contributed. it's all me. funny thing is, when we were separated the first time and he came back, he was very accepting and aware of his part.
i have kissed his ass for the past six months. half of the time he was sleeping with myself and a 23 year old at the same time, all the while telling me to "hang in there" and "i just don't know what to do yet". as for recently, it's almost like he was planning to leave this whole time, just after all of our stuff was taken care of (the house being sold, the bankruptcy, etc). i even helped him re-roof a house last week. we worked well together. he was so appreciative of my help.
i have busted my ass; improving myself, reading every book i can get my hands on, going to counseling by myself. i am a kind, beautiful, talented woman who is a wonderful mother to our son. yes i've made mistakes and i've taken complete ownership of them. i've put down my guard and let myself be completely vulnerable. i've prayed and prayed. and now i have a broken heart. WTF.
