I just read Michele's 'Divorce Remedy' and initially I thought I had my husband figured out when I read the Mid-Life Crisis chapter, but I've recently come to believe that he is instead depressed.
As a child, he struggled with reading and would be placed in remedial reading classes until he would excel past all of the others and get placed back into normal reading classes partway through the school year. Only months ago when he struggled with preparing for and taking the GMAT (so that he could obtain his MBA), did he speak with his doctor and realize that he most likely struggled from ADHD as a child but was never diagnosed. Thus, his self esteem took at dive at that young age. To make matters worse, his older brother was always very smart and never struggled in school and is now an oral surgeon who the parents cannot say one negative thing about.
My husband's father is a very stern man and when they were children, he would use force as punishment. Many times my husband has said to me, 'Do you have any idea how many times my father would hit me until I couldn't stand up anymore and then he'd ask me to stand up just so he could hit me again.' When I would console him or try to talk about these items, he would brush them off and treat them as no big deal, so I fell into the trap of allowing them to not be dealt with.
In the past six months, a lot of stressful things have taken place. My husband has started taking Adderall for ADHD after he did not perform as well as he wished on his GMAT for the third time. An elderly neighbor who my husband became close with passed away from cancer and my husband spent many hours on the weekends and during weeknights in the year that this neighbor suffered just visiting and helping out however he was able. His aunt suddenly passed away from an unknown neurological disorder that could be genetic leaving my husband with the chance in 1 of 6 in having this same disorder. If this is the case, most do not live past their 30s and my husband is 29. He was unhappy with his job and just this week took a new job with a new company. His sister's ex-boyfriend has been threatening her with death threats via email and was just this week arrested and placed in jail. Lastly, he says he is unhappy with the way that I maintain our home. For this reason, he told me about 2 months ago that he thought it would be best for us to separate.
He's lost about 20 pounds in the past six months, he has lost his appetite, he will wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to fall back asleep or else he'll just wake up about an hour before our alarm goes off and remain awake.
He has told me that he doesn't want to say that he's overwhelmed b/c then it will mean that he is out of control and he can't have that. We met with a marriage counselor once and he told me he would never go back. I've asked him to see a counselor on his own or talk with his doctor, but he won't talk with anyone.
I believe there is an underlying depression that was never treated and with all that has happened recently along with the addition of the medication, everything has manifested itself into this mess. Since he will not listen to me, my plan was to call his brother and explain my concerns. I also have an appointment with our doctor to share my concerns. Am I going too far? I feel like I have nothing to lose at this point...he took his ring off this weekend and hasn't put it back on since. Even if he pushes me out of the way, I feel like someone needs to be aware for his own well-being. I feel very lost and confused and I just want to help......
