Questions for all the "Cheated"

[RedHeadWife]

H and I are "back together," however, he is now deployed for a year so we are in a long-distance R/M. I am here taking care of the 3 boys, ages 7 down to 1.

H dropped the D bomb back in January and we ended up working through it. Still not sure what made him "change his mind."

I am starting IC next week b/c I am just so sad right now. Sometimes I feel so angry.

Why, after his EA when 1st son was not even 2, one-night stand after that and then EA again during D sitch, can I still respect myself? Does he still have any sort of respect for me or is he going to continue to do this kind of crap?

He is very loving on the phone now. I am still DB'ing long distance, supporting him while he's gone, however, how can I ever look at my HUSBAND the same again after everything he has said and done to me.

Does it heal w/ time? When he gets back will it be kind of like we are just starting all over again?

How does everyone else out there feel, truly, about their H/W who has done this to them? I can't imagine ever having done any of this to my H. Maybe I wasn't there emotionally all the years the way I could/should have been, but I never would have intentionally done some of the things he has. How do we begin to deal w/ OUR EMOTIONS. Why does it seem that we, the ones who haven't necessarily done most of the damage, are the ones doing the work to keep our M's alive and making things "good" for the other? When do they start to do some work? When do they finally look AT THEMSELVES and see what they have done to their H/W and their family!!!????