I strongly suggest you check into a book Mojo mentioned on her thread: The Verbally Abusive Man by Patricia Evans. A great deal of the book is devoted to coming up with a plan for a couple to move past verbal abuse.
She defines "verbal abuse" very broadly. In fact, to say that someone is a verbally abusive man is itself verbal abuse by her standard, so don't be too put off by the title. At the very least, go thru the few pages of the book that are available at Amazon and see what you think:
