My night has been the same, W gave me the same speech. Only she let me know that she is starting a serious R with OM to see how things go.
She will not admit she is in love with OM. But I feel she is. W told her family tonight about the new R with OM (even though she has lied since Feb). How do you tell how long it has been going, or how serious it is, they lie so much.
My PMA is taking a pounding over the last 4 days, with all the revelations.
I suppose the good thing for you is that you got a hug at the end.
Hope things do improve for you.
Last edited by andyv; 06/01/0701:14 PM.
AndyV M38 W36 D7 M 13 years Together 17 years W wants D mid Dec 06 (ring off) W wants separation early Jan 07 (she backdated to Oct 06) EA revealed end March 07 (Nov 06 W first meeting with OM) Hallmark moment "I care for you but am no longer in love with you."
Something else that I just learned is that my W's upgraded lawyer gets a good review on martindale.com. Looks like she upgraded from a chump to someone legit. Dang it.....
It is official my W put in the order for the dissolution of our marraige. In black and white it says that she prays for the dissolution of our marraige. I thought the bible says that god hates divorce. What a hypocrite she is.. she puts in a front of being a good christian girl then goes and has an A and then has the nerve to say that she prays for the dissolution of our M.
She also wants me to pay for her legal fees and everything else during the divorce. Who does she think she is kidding. I want my family intact but I refuse to be humiliated an more then I already have been. Maybe the judge would like to see the video of her having a moment with the OM. I need to calm down. She hasn't even told me yet, I just saw the papers on the counter again. She is playing with me leaving them out like that isn't she?
ERC, I know how you feel. I made up my mind today to walk away. I've given it my best but that wasn't good enough. It's now a legal matter before the courts. I am going to hold my head high knowing that I am standing for my daughter and me. OM is welcome to her. I will pray for you in another way this eve. DD's are what you need to stand for. It's true that God hates divorce but he gave people free will to choose. You don't want it, I don't want it, but it "is what it is." Don't feel guilty about crying "uncle". We didn't quit, they did.
It sounds like she is playing games with you. There is no need to leave the papers out.
Is there any way you can slow things down with your W.
My W had all sorts of paperwork lying around our house, changing cell phone contract, rental agreements for her to move into etc etc.
I managed to slow things down by laying low, and the paperwork dissapeared.
Like you, my PMA has taken a battering, especially over the last 5 days, but after I regroup and continue doing things for myself and DD, and detach further with everything that is happening around me, I get that positive feeling back.
AndyV M38 W36 D7 M 13 years Together 17 years W wants D mid Dec 06 (ring off) W wants separation early Jan 07 (she backdated to Oct 06) EA revealed end March 07 (Nov 06 W first meeting with OM) Hallmark moment "I care for you but am no longer in love with you."
Andyv gives good advice lay low, don't initiate anymore R talks. But protect yourself for whatever may come.
My wife got mad at me today, and i saw a new entry in our family calendar to meet with her lawyer next Wed.
I have a feeling she wants to kickstart the process, since i'm not giving into her demands for things she wants. (she wants to buy a new house for herself NOW)
Is your wife working right now? Does she have an income?
Andyv has some good advice. Try to avoid relationship talks and any emotional discussions. My guess is you are a time bomb ready to explode and if that's the case you need to keep some physical distance from her right now and take gentle care of yourself. Is there a lot of tension in the house when you two are around each other? If that's the case, do spend as much time apart until things can calm down. You both probably need distance from each other. Spend time with your friends, and treat yourself well.... I know this is a rough time. I've been there... {{{hugs}}}
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Yes, she is working. Her work is the problem. That is were her A started. I probably won't have to pay alimony because she has always worked part time in our marriage. She is also a nurse so she can earn a decent living for herself.
I actually am ok rightnow. Not a ton of tension between the two of us but a lot of emotional distance. She is still cold towards me. She wrote me a note tonight giving me her copy of the order for dissolution of our marriage. She wants to keep this matter private between the two of us. Don't know how a divorce can be kept quiet but that is how she would like it. Who is she kidding?
Again this sucks. I still care for my W, but the thought of not having daily contact with my girls kills me. I feel that there is noway that a D is not going to happen at this point, atleast not with her personality. She has big plans for her new life and it very well might happen the way she is envisioning it. Hopefully my lawyer can help out with that.
I do not know why I am still feeling the way that I do. I have been dealing with the breakdown of my M for 6 months now and you would think that having my W show me that she filed for D would not hurt as much.
It still pains me to see her acting all happy and telling me how wonderful her life is and how great it is going to be without me being apart of it anymore. She crushed every dream that I ever had. I used to play baseball in the Braves farm system and walked away from it for her. Up until the point that I meet my W baseball was my R. I gave everything to it and when I walked away from it I put everything into her. Now all my dreams of being a family and growing old together are gone. It hurts like hell to suppress all of them since they are nomore.
She has become unbelievable selfish to the point were she has broken up two families and crushed 4 little girls(The OM has two girls the same ages as mine). She thinks that life is going to be so grand without me. Now I sit here trying to figureout how I am going to pickup the pieces from my shattered M.
Today I went golfing with some friends, which only one of them new about what is going on until today. How am I supposed to keep quiet about my D? This loss consumes me. My W was my first and only true love now she is leaving and she is making me watch her ride off all happy knowing that Scott is nolonger apart of her life in a significant way.
ERC = Scott
I am currently at my parents house with our girls and will bring them home after 2DD wakes up from her nap. They are my biggest loss. I will nolonger be able to see their beautiful faces every day. I will nolonger be able to tuck them into bed and pray with them every night. I will nolonger be able to come home from work every day and have them run into my arms.
I have no regrets. I loved my W as best I could over the last ten years. Was I perfect? No, but I do not think anybody could have done it any better then I had. I have no regrets on how I handle this sitch. Sure I screwed up when it came to DBing, I am human.
She blames me for everything. I emotionally neglected her. I never recognized the best part of her and ignored it. She is nolonger going to let me hold her back. She is going to live life to its fullest and not have me to keep her down. It really sucks to hear her say these things. Especially since I always put her needs infront of mine. Thinking back I never neglected her one bit, I neglected myself. I let her have whatever she wanted because I loved her. Even when she told me she only wanted this or that I would make sure that she got the best of whatever it was. I am not just talking abput material things, I encouraged her friendships, her ministries, her work.... I am talking about everything that I could provide her in life I tried my best to give it all to her. Again, I am not perfect. I have my flaws. I am just hurting and lonely. I miss my W and it will take me a long time to get over her and how she has crushed me.
Hopefully I can get with the lawyer that I want this next week, maybe she can offer me hope for custody of my girls. I really do not think that I have much of a chance and that I am going to be dragged through the mud somemore.
As for the OM. My W still claims that it is over with him, which is total BS. I have read in multiple books that when an A ends there is atleast a 3 week period of mourning over the loss of the R. That has never occured with my W. So she is still lying when she tells people that she is not leaving me for another man and that is the emotional neglect and the way that I made her feel for so long. Again Who is she kidding.
I hope everyone and your sitch's are doing better then me and mine.
Scott, I feel for you man, my wife left me for a coworker. she gave me the same bs. They are going to do what they are going to do. She had om spend the night while she had d7 and the S*** hit the fan! That is a line that she should not have crossed! I have no choice but to drop the gloves and do it. I'm standing for D and I. If she wants out ok. it hurts like an MF and I don't want it but she started it and I have to end it.
