I'm really sorry about your sister. I can empathize with how you're fearful for your boys... I guess it's similar to my fear that I won't live past 46 (my mom was 46 when she died). Then add the fear you have for DH. Is he seeing anyone? I think my DH doesn't believe in depression even though he's seen it ("lived it") with me for years. I don't know if it's a guy thing or if it's just the stigma attached?
I was gonna say you could send the rain here for tonight, but you know I wanna take the boys to the planetarium... lol. You're brave for having so many teens over. Will you have help? Will your boys be there? Good luck... I hope you enjoy yourself as much as I'm sure your guests will!!
I went to the dollar store after the Y this morning and got airplanes, water guns and water balloons for the boys. 7yo says it's like we're having a party... LOL!!
Let me know how your party goes!! Have a good day!!
Thanks for the well wishes. The teens are really a great group, and S1 will be there since he's part of the Library TAB. Still, I'm trying to just not worry about the state of the house before they come, since the state of the house might not be all that great after they go.
Yes, DH is seeing a therapist himself. He believes in counseling, so I can be grateful for that -- even if we don't get back together, I am hopeful that he will work through some of his background issues and be in a better place. (I know, I'm hopelessly co-dependent and can't help wanting to make him better; now if only I can work on me! )
Ah well, I'll let you know how things go tonight. Anne
Uh huh... go meee!! Yesterday the arm thingy in the toilet broke. I emailed DH and asked him to take a look and fix it. He took a look at it and said he'd fix it (later?) So I had to take 13yoDS to Best Buy and Lowes is right next door. I bought the part and fixed all by myself!! :oP
My GF canceled next Wednesday and Thursday. Her DH will be in town. I'm sorta relieved. BUT we'll do it the following week... LOL!!
Can't worry too much about the house cuz you're right... it might be a mess after anyway... LOL!!
Okay, I'm a little miffed, so instead of going off or sulking, I'm gonna spill it here.
DH took DS16 to a movie. We didn't go to the planetarium cuz it's cloudy. The movie started at 7:50. DH didn't show up until like 7:15. I'm hurt cuz he didn't come home at regular time and have dinner. Friday nights, we usually grill out. He said he has to work tomorrow, but he's gonna sleep in, make breakfast and come by about 11 to drop off the boys. Then he's gonna go to work until about 5.
1. I'm disappointed cuz he didn't come for dinner. 2. I'm disappointed cuz it seems like date nights are a thing of the past. 3. I'm disappointed cuz he always cooks breakfast and now he's not doing it here.
Now I have a vivid imagination. I wasn't even sure he was at work today. I imagined him with someone else. When he kissed me when he left, I didn't smell alcohol, so maybe he really was at work. I also imagine him spending time with "her" again tomorrow... not the OW, but the girl he was flirting with at work.
Okay, so you ask how I'm gonna handle all this. Am I gonna sulk and be miserable to be around? No. No questions. No smart mouth comments. Nothing.
He's taking 7yo and 13yo tonight. It looks like the air show thing will be rained out tomorrow. I think I'm gonna start taking step classes at the Y again and there's a class at 10:30 tomorrow. The 1 1/2 hours at the Y are probably my most calm during the day. I might just make it 2 1/2 hours tomorrow.
JustD...it is really great when we can prove to H...and to ourselves that we are capable...so next time something breaks...just go online or to the hardware store and ask someone how to fix it!...this will get H's attention...especially since you will be proving you don't NEED him...now WANTING is a different issue...
Thanks, Lin. It felt REALLY good to fix it myself. I emailed DH and told him I took care of it and he said "well done" or something like that. It was such a simple thing, but it felt good knowing *I* could do it and not rely on him!! The same with my son who needed stitches the other day. Years ago, when our middle child fell and split open his mouth, I called DH in a panic, who came and took care of everything. This time, the only reason I called him was to let him know DS was injured. I had to leave a message and it started off with "everything is under control... J split his chin open and we're on our way to urgent care". I swear I'm surprising even myself through this whole thing. Amazing!!
When he left tonight after bringing 16yo home and was taking the other 2, he said he was gonna sleep in, make the boys breakfast and be here around 11 to drop them off and go to work. I said that was fine, but I probably wouldn't be here... I'd be at the Y and to let them know where I was. I'm actually excited to get back to my step classes. (I used to work out religiously until I had gall bladder problems and 2 back to back surgeries. I quit exercising, gained back a TON of weight and have exercised off and on since, but always the treadmill and elliptical.) I've been gone so long, I have to start out with the beginner's again... LOL!!! I have cute workout clothes now (never have before... always big "boy" shirts) and get there almost every day!! Feels like I'm getting back in to the swing of things...
I don't know who *I* was kidding. I did take the beginner step class this morning. I first rode the elliptical until the class started. Well, OMGosh... I was dripping sweat probably 10 minutes into the class!! I get "tomato face" which is a red face and is embarrassing... lol... I swear I look like I'm about to drop dead. That's the worst part... all the mirrors. At first I thought I'd do an hour on the elliptical after the class and then 30 mins on the treadmill. Then I decided maybe I'd just finish my hour on the elliptical since I had already done 20 mins before the class and then the treadmill. Well, in the end I just did the treadmill after. I was a little bummed... usually we do weights for upper body, but he didn't do it this time. I'll stick with the beginners on weekends, but I think I'll try the more intense Wednesday morning classes until I get a job. They do weights.
This stinkin' sucks!! I hate it. How do you do it for so long?
He's still not wearing his ring. I know he lost it, but he won't admit it. (Liar) He's looking at houses again to buy when he promised we'd be in on it together the entire way (liar)... he's VERY cryptic on the phone. I wrote down several numbers. He said he's only looking... he drives by a place and calls. I said that's fine. We're gonna end up in bankruptcy anyway. Yeah, that pretty much shut down the conversation and ended the night.
I told him he could take the boys to Atlanta tomorrow if he couldn't stand to be in the car with me for 6 hours.
So much for no snide remarks, huh? I'm still really pissed off that we're not having date nights any more. If 13yoDS would have left with him, I'm sure DH would have made some kind of comment about me being left here alone. *I* was gonna lie and say that's okay, I was going out anyway.
Oh I took my ring off, too. It's not going back on until he puts it back on. I might have to hawk (sp?) it anyway.
Hey D -- I think it's the up and down, the suspicions and questions, the wondering if H's lying or not... all of that is what sucks in my mind. I keep wondering, though, if H said he wouldn't pursue a D but just needed some space, would it be better? I can't tell.
But about last night: it really was a great time. 20 teens showed up and stayed around until 11. The rain did in the bon-fire, but everyone enjoyed the house; sometimes I feel like a weenie, but I get such a boost from the blatent supportiveness of the teens. They come in and tell me how much they love my house, how much they love me, and I feel like a million bucks. How weenie-ish is that?
The house thing is big for me, cause H&me built it in 2005 -- after I had spent 4 yrs designing it so it is really environmentally friendly and is "party" comfortable. It was to be H&my "dream home," so when he dropped the bomb, I was devastated and really started to feel horrible about the house. Having people over again and having them love it gave me a great boost -- so now I'm going to start having parties again!
Today I went and spent three hours doing zen meditation. I'm not a very good Buddhist, but the meditation is soothing and helps me to get out of my head. The "talk" that's part of the whole thing was about how Buddhism embraces the impermanence of everything - that change is the only constant and so meditation is how one sits in that change. OK, so I had trouble not crying after that one...
Then I went and spent my mother's day gift card at B&N for a PRINCE CD -- drove home with Purple Rain blaring and the windows rolled down, and then danced for a half hour on the new deck! In the midst, H came to "borrow" S2 for the evening, and though he didn't say anything about my dancing, I was feeling good and strong. My joke now is that I'm working on my MILF status.
I'm sorry that your day wasn't so good. I know I live for these days when I'm able to put H and any of his variable responses behind me. I keep trying to just GAL and not concern myself with him; oh so much easier said than done. Of course, at B&N's I glanced through a book on ACOAs and intimacy - couldn't just leave well enough alone, right? If that's the sich for H, then the explanation is that he left b/c of his home family's alcoholism, that it isn't about me, and that there's little I can do to win him back. Great! But maybe I need to embrace that and not try to think otherwise, you know? If I stop worrying about winning him back, maybe I'll get my mind around doing these changes just for me!!! (something I say all the time but really don't believe or feel)
Hold onto your own strengths, D. Blame and bitterness doesn't even begin to touch them, but it hurts us like hell. I hope tonight is better and you find the coaster is on its way up a hill once more.
So I googled or called all the numbers I wrote down. They were either for houses or the school. I think he wants to coach in the district football league this year. I called on DSs phone just in case.
Then later, I texted DH telling him I was bored and did he want to come over and play cards. Do you hear the crickets?
He did have dinner here before he took J home for the night. He asked how I was doing and I said good (really cheery like) and he chuckled. Then I asked how he was doing. Good. At dinner, I looked him in the eye again. Today it was intentional... it didn't feel natural... I had to force myself to meet his eyes and not look away.
I hear ya about the teens. 16yoDS is in theater and those kids have really rallied around DS and from conversations with him, I have their support, too. He has this one friend who is the sweetest thing. 7yo loves him to death. He's really good with him, too. Anyway, this kid calls me "mom" and hugs me when he leaves. Theater kids seem to be so misunderstood, but this really is a great group of kids.
Ooooh!! I found this recipe that I haven't made in years cuz DH doesn't like it. Guess what I'm making for dinner next week!!
You know, I feel I am making these changes for me, but when they're not noticed or appreciated or commented on, I feel rejected and how's that supposed to help my self esteem? Okay, okay, okay, so my friends notice... LOL!!
We have a C appt on Monday. HELP!! What do we talk about???!! I came this [] close to dropping by DH's tonight. I know I can't cry. I know he can see me weak. I know I can't beg. I swear those of us who DB must be the strongest people in the world!!!
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WTF? He just called and said he just got my message and he didn't want me to think he was blowing me off, that they were watching a movie. He said I should know if I really want something I can call. I said I know that, but I hesitate to do that and he said he understood. I don't get him. Sometimes he can be just cold and others SEEM so caring. I did say I wasn't here sweating it!! (liar ) *Whew* Thank goodness for you!!
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