Well. The OM is still in the picture (she claims they're just friends).
-But she agreed to a date with me on my birthday.
-We're seeing each other once a week for a short time (with daughter present..but still.)
She hasn't read the book yet because her work has been nuts. I hope this is starting to come around and not just a short period of remorse on her side. Send you positive vibes for me please.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
I'm trying not to read into it. My therapist told me. "The higher you fly, the longer you have to fall"
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
I've brought up my W's activities with the board here and they have me convinced it's harmless. I don't think so, but I'm also not a jealous guy, AND I know I pushed her to another person for communication and comfort because I didn't give it, so I might be blind to reality on this one.
However it is, I know I have more to offer her than this guy, there is just no doubt, so I just need some time to prove it. And, I've already forgiven her for it, so I'm at peace in my heart, I wonder if she is in hers.
Any idea what your W might be getting from OM that she didn't think she could get from you?
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
Exactly what you mentioned. Some of the other readers on the board like Jazz know that I was recently diagnosed as OCD and borderline bi-polar.
I've been emotionally unavailable for a very long time. I've been angry, depressed, and shut her out for about the last 5 years. I've been properly (I think) diagnosed and the medication seems to be working.
She told me that he treats her like a queen and she relishes every minute of time she spends with him.
Well I'm trying to be that now. I picked up a second job for some extra money so I can make her dream come true. (she's always wanted a horse). Our Wednesday time that we're spending is actually horse lessons that I'm paying for her and my daughter.
I believe in one true love. She has always been the sweet, warm, soft center of my universe. Just along with way I forgot to tell her, show her, and treat her that way.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
I believe in one true love. She has always been the sweet, warm, soft center of my universe. Just along with way I forgot to tell her, show her, and treat her that way.
I hear that. I know my W is my one true love. I've looked at this from the outside, I've closed off my inside feelings and I've evaluated the situation from a completely non-emtional perspective and decided, I REALLY love her! I too forgot to SHOW her how much over the last 3 years. Man that is a long time to treat ANYONE poorly, especially your wife. I am truly GRATEFUL for my wife and I VALUE her as a human being, a wife, a mother, a lover, a friend, and a PARTNER (the biggie that we were missing). That's what I'm trying to show her - that I'm her partner, not her dependent.
Has your W filed for D? That's where I'm stuck, my wife did AND filed a protective order. So I can't even talk to her! It's actually been good, and I'm learning patience, but it's a challenge!
I guess the big thing we have to remember is this is not going to fix itself overnight. It's going to be a LONG process. Shoot, mine has already gone on longer than I ever expected. With the D filed, I thought we were done a month ago. Not sure what she's waiting for, but I'm grateful for the time.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
Yeah she filed for Divorce. Had remorse. We discussed separation instead but the lawyers are still eating up our money. I asked her again this week to reconsider and let's do the separation and work on baby steps. She's still considering.
JR we're two peas in a pod. I wasn't there for the hard stuff in the relationship either. She did everything hard and fought and I did nothing but be critical if they didn't go right. She didn't have a partner.
That's why I'm doing the horse thing. I told her that we could do it together. By picking up the 2nd job I'm trying to show her that I've changed and am willing to do anything to make her happy. I'm going to be flipping burgers...if that gives you an idea. But it works with the hours of my main career. It still gives me time for the all important horse lessons. And most of all the kids
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
Finally! Someone in a similar situation to mine (though you get to see your wife, so that might be better (or worse according to some )
Is your wife doing anything about the D? I don't know what mine is waiting for. I hope she's waiting for me, that's my PMA about it. We saw each other last Thurs and you could just feel the connection again! I know she did but she's totally scared she'd be getting back into the same old M.
We have to show them, it's NOT the same old M but a new one based on the hopes, dreams, and ACTIONS we planned on when we got married. We also have to PROVE it's not a short-term song and dance. I KNOW that's why my situation hasn't progressed much, I'm not ready (and neither is my W I'm sure). That's where the patience comes in. My DB coach, Jodi, even said it's probably a good thing that we can't talk to each other. It forces us to stand on our own, work on ourselves, and realize we can NOT control anything but ourselves. And even then we rely heavily on a higher power. That is the key to this.
I just continue to pray that she'll come talk to me about something other than splitting up property or CS or parenting time. But even that is better than the alternative (which is NOTHING).
Why are your lawyers gobbling up money, are you actually meeting with them regularly to discuss the D? Ask your wife to go to mediation so you can save some money. Mediators may also help move things back into the reconciliation arena. They see so many people that shouldnt really be getting divorced, they may be able to help without being overt about it. Think about it.
We paid our lawyers a retainer (still very expensive, I would have rather gone on a 2-week Hawaiian cruise with that money) but we haven't done squat with them in a month. Go figure.
I'm still waiting for the bomb letter in the mail, I don't like leaving the office because I know I'll have to look in the mail at home
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
I believe in one true love. She has always been the sweet, warm, soft center of my universe. Just along with way I forgot to tell her, show her, and treat her that way.
Goodness...it isn't often that people can express themselves like that about someone they care about. You have to give yourself credit for that, and for keeping yourself on the meds.
It's almost like a line in that Jack Nicholson film: You make me want to be a better man.
I hope you can win her back...though not necessarily with the horse.
Nope. We have horse training on Wed night,and then bday date. I'll keep you posted.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
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