Madonna/Whore Complex Part 4

[Heywyre]

Absolutely Lou

I have heard of this type of therapy a lot before but also looked at it as an acedemic's way of analyzing and, yes, childish. But, amazingly enough I felt comforted.

ST told us to assume the role of the parent with the child because that will comfort the child more, it will give that inner child the love and attention it didn't get. I am not saying personal validation is not good, it is, but what we all crave the most is what we lacked from our primary caregivers, our parents, and this is what we need to nurture.

I grew up in a VERY disfunctional family - poor, too many kids, welfare, father in and out of hospital, mother an only child who married at the age of 17 and didn't have a clue etc. etc. etc.

I know they did the best they could with what they had, but that doesn't deny the fact I didn't get the love I needed as a child. I don't EVER remember my mother putting her arms around me, comforting me and telling me everything would be okay. Children need that, they need to know they are protected and their parents will save them from the cruel, cruel world that they perceive it to be sometimes.

When the ST asked me about my childhood I said - "they did the best they could" and he said, "that's not what I asked, you are rationalizing the situation and justifying THEIR actions - how did YOU FEEL at the time" and I have to admit, I choked back the tears and all the emotions of an 8-year old came to the surface and I felt VERY hurt, lonely and unloved. Was it their fault? Of course not, but that still doesn't "fix" the broken child inside does it?

I think we all have that inner child that needs healing - I plan to give mine what she didn't get for many, many years.