Thanks for the feedback. Actually Wish 1 and 2 have come true. Well, I am not buying her a new grill, but she was satisfied with the idea that she will get it returned to her however my bro plans to clean it.
Locks were changed that day - Done! But I let her get to me, which leads me to wish 3...
I decided after I changed the locks that I have to do exactly what you pointed out in Wish 3 - to be teflon, to laugh at it, to let it roll off. I was so furious over what she had done - the audacity of her to remove my things from the house simply because her childish behavior wouldn't allow us to simply argue/negotiate/talk about the grill. I didn't think it was hers. She thought it was hers. We would have arrived at a solution if she would have allowed it. Instead she tells me she will take what she wants from the home. As I said childish - but it affected me. I reacted instead of responded.
I was shaking while I was changing the locks. I was frantic. I was trying to get this done before this person returned. I was a physical mess and no idea what else she had taken. Just when I thought she wouldn't do anything else, she did exactly what I was afraid of her doing when I let her watch the children from inside my home - stealing from me. In the end, the grill issue is solved, she no longer has access to the house, and my items have been returned. But all I had to do was respond to this madness by asking for my things back and changing the locks. I shouldn't have allowed this to affect me so much. I vowed after that day not to allow her madness to have power over me.
Trouble is, that is easier said than done. I got into a small argument with her yesterday. I didn't let it affect me, but I cannot believe the garbage that comes out of her mouth. After we finished arguing I thought to myself - Why did I just have that argument with her? She isn't going to see it my way. She hasn't through this whole mess. She isn't going to ever admit she is wrong and her entire family is going to believe what they want about me based on the fabrications she makes. So why even try? At this point, she isn't going to admit she is doing anything wrong and had justified her actions by any means necessary. So for me, it was time to stop doing what isn't working. I am done arguing with her. She is a lost cause.
So, how to I go from here? Well - Holly you said don't plan on being friends or getting along. How do we make this work for our children?
For one, I have tremendous issues with XBIL and don't even want him to set foot on my property. There is unresolved business between him and I - he was my brother, he was my friend, I employed him, he was my sisters husband, he is my children's uncle. You cannot forgive someone who hasn't asked for it nor has said he is sorry. I have let it go myself, but I really don't care to see him ever again.
I am cordial to XW. Day after the lock changing blowout, I could have been a complete ass to her. I wasn't. I was cordial. But unfortunately, no one writes a manual on how to do this going forward. I have no issues with her family, yet I am told that her family hates the ground I walk on. So here I am teaching my children how to respect themselves, their things and other things, and how to respect others - especially their elders. Every time they leave the house, I remind them to be respectful to Mommy and Uncle XBIL. To be respectful to their Grandpa (XW dad) and Grandma (XW step mom). Yet one day that XW's dad was dropping off the kids, I just see kids come in the back door and XW's dad speeding off down the road. D6 comes in and is complaining about a stomach ache and D11 is trying to explain why. Is this respectful? XW's Dad is putting his own "whatever" in the way of the children's needs. I needed to know what is going on with D6's stomach. I need to know what she ate. Yet this guy due to his own immaturity runs away like a little baby because he has some serious problem with me for the way I treated his daughter? How do you teach your children respect when this is what they are subject to?
When they came in the door, I asked D10 and D11 - "where is Grandpa at?" They said "He just took off." I said "What is wrong with D6? Why did Grandpa leave?". D11 and D10 didn't know and I shook my head. Would you believe D11 asks "Daddy - that wasn't very respectful was it?"
This is going to be an uphill battle my friends. Dealing with selfish childlike XW and her selfish childlike family. Again, I will create my own experience and create one for my children as well. As they grow up, they will be able to figure out on their own who is full of it and who isn't. As I have said before, I wish they didn't have to go through this. Too bad XW feels like "everything is fine. Children are doing great." Just reminds me how disconnected she is from reality.
Pray for my children my friends. I will do the best that I can. If anyone has suggestions on how to deal with her, XBIL, and her family, I would love to hear them.
