I'm sorry about your mom and that loss too. <<hugs>> As painful as it is to talk about these things, you might consider doing so with C.
I know that I have to put my sister's death into a less painful place for me to move on (and I say this as if I am only now dealing with it, but I've worked on this on and off since she first died). She died from a suicide attempt, and part of the problem is that we - my family - didn't know that she had been depressed and considering suicide for three years before she attempted once and succeeded. (Despite popular images, depressed teens don't always wear black and cry - she become more social and developed a wicked sense of humor once she decided that suicide offered a way out of insecurity )
This whole thing matters now because first, I can't help but feel like H is doing the same thing to me that my sis did - fester in pain and then pull the rug out without giving me a chance to help; and second, I am constantly worried when my sons are at the same age - S1 has gotten through ok, but S2 is just now coming into the age she was (16 when she died). My response to both things - H's actions and my sons' growing up - is grasping at control and anxiously worrying. I need to let go, I need to find the balance and become less anxious and controlling, and I know that part of getting to that place is moving past the incredible grief I still hold inside.
Isn't amazing what we do when we are so young; when I'm most pessimistic about H&me getting back together, I think how if I could be doing those kinds of things at that age, what more can I do now!
I read your posts and I know you also have that strength inside. Your love of your kids is so obvious in what you write, and your life story shows real survival and ability to overcome. That you have stuck through this crazy limbo for as long as you have also speaks to your strength. You are awesome, grrlfren!
I hope your day is a good one, and congrats on a week w/o R talk. My week hasn't been so successful, but I don't think we've gone backwards at all either.
I'll tell you how tonight goes; I'm praying for dry weather, although I'm pretty sure the gods are intent on not listening.
) 
