So you mean H can't have his cake and eat it too. Poor guy! Boy that man is in for one heck of a reality check. I'd keep the M legal, strecth out the D as long as you can, but really press the financial separation. He's done spent all his money on his pretty little GF and now he wants you to foot the bill. Oh she and he are in for one heck of a wake up call.
Hang in there, lets see what a little tough love does for ya/him!
God Bless,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I do have a separate acct, as does he. If I take all the money out of the joint acct, or if I have my paycheques deposited in my own acct, I am afraid that he will cut me off. Since he earns substantially more money than I do, this would be a problem.
I will talk to my L further this morning, and we will decide what to do.
H has spent over $600 on himself (incl trip) in the past week. I am really pissed.
I told my L yesterday that this has got to be done with ASAP. As we get closer to D-day, I've noticed that he's spending more and more money. After reading DNQ's thread, I feel silly complaining about $600, but it's not a good sign. I want this deal signed, sealed and delivered.
As for LS vs. D - we are now going down the D route. I originally wanted LS (which could be converted to a D after a year), but I changed my mind. H definitely wants the D, but he was willing to go along with me. I decided to go for the D once he started to disrespect our marriage vows to the point of making this happy little family with his gf, with my kids sleeping at her place, and the two of them sharing a room with the kids around. That was IT for me.
If God wants us to be together sometime in the future, we will be. But right now, this is not a healthy R. I just want out. I still pray that God will work on H (and me), and that we will end up together again in a healthier R, but I'm not holding my breath on that one.
~Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
I don't blame you a bit for your choices on this. I haven't followed your sitch too close, but I do know you have been at this for a very long time. The good part is, this long journey has given you / me great insight and the experience, although terrible, is a blessing in disguise.
Looking back, would we do things different? You bet! But.... looking back is just that, looking. It is how we received the future and it's challanges we are now better prepared for that will define our place. I've been right where you are, on the right track, but realizing our spouses haven't the character to to bring themselves back to the relationship, even as they see the hurt and dispair this has caused. I have come to a point where I have very little respect for my XW. It is respect that will have to be earned to restore, I just can't ever see it happening. I also see how carrying this is a burden and with time will work through the issue. You have reached a point where you know you have had enough. Critical boundaries have been breached and the emotional scars are deep.
As you have posted, take this time to let Nicola shine, get comfortable with the new environment and bless those you touch with your character.
Keep smiling, keep singing and follow the path you are on. It is your path, being traveled one step at a time. Travel it with the dignity, honor and character you display. With the efforts you have put forth, you will be rewarded tenfold.
Your H has some nerve, honestly, to be using the joint account to pay for his vacation. I think he's upset that you are going to Disney with the kids and knew how to push your buttons.
Well, I think you need some new clothes and so do the kids for your trip....use the joint account. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. Otherwise, you need to set a boundary as to what the account is to be used for until the final agreement has been signed.
Quote:
Looking back, would we do things different? You bet! But.... looking back is just that, looking. It is how we received the future and it's challanges we are now better prepared for that will define our place.
We acted and reacted in ways that we did because we did not have the knowledge we have today. We would also not have the knowledge we have today if we didn't go through this experience. Don't look back and think about what you could have done different because you couldn't without having the knowledge you do today.
We really come to know our real strength and what we are made of when we are put through a difficult test such as a separation/divorce.
I am so proud of you Nicola on how well you have handled this process. Two months ago, even 6 weeks ago, I was really worried about you but you have demonstrated to all of us that your courage, your self-respect and your self-worth can and has taken you to a place of power and being in control of YOU once again.
Your H will be in for a rude awakening when he realizes that you will not be pining over him any longer. You deserve to do something very special for yourself; think about it and just go do it. Oh, and BTW, use the joint account.
Hugs, ISLH
Me: 49 - S22 & S26 H: 41 - No kids M: 10/00 Bomb New Year's Day 2006 H living w OW 01/07; have baby 12/07 D final 07/07 Thread #9 - Hope Lives On
Nicola, As for the D, I agree that getting it over and done with will be good for you. You will be done with teh stress of dividing up your family. You will not have to worry about H's money antics. And as for the M, it's just a piece of paper. It the two of you are meant to be together, the D won't get in the way of that.
I hate hearing when Hs bring the kids around OW. YUK. That pisses me off. My H talked about doing it and talked about doing overnights with OW, but it never came to that. Not sure how I would ahve handled it.
Now, onto dating. I think it's very smart to be alone for now. Why confuse your head with the mess of dating. Be comfortable alone and find happiness alone. Then when you do eventually meet someone, you will be in a good place with yourself.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
