Need another opinion, is my W OM, friend or more?

[andyv]

Thanks Husband,

Just finished having a talk with W. Its 11pm Friday night.

She got home with DD after visiting her parents, and gave it to me when she got home. Threats of moving out and leaving, renting somewhere and taking DD etc etc.

Apparently, her BIL (her sisters husband) got up her for lying to everyone about OM, and about starting her R with OM.

She got angry at me for telling them everything (like her not coming home on Sat and staying at OM's house).

She has now told all her family and aunties that she is in a R with OM.

This sounds like bad news. Now she has had full disclosure to family (has not told her father, and will not tell him). She also said that if the R with OM gets serious, she would tell everyone.

I had to do some serious damage control. And talking about things was the only way (eventhough I was trying to avoid any talk about things re OM, R etc)

I told her that if things were to change in the future (her feelings), I would forgive and forget what has happened (she said "Yeah sure" negatively). I hope this was the right thing to do, as I really did want her to know the option is there to come back.

I validated her anger at me for the emotional neglect over the last 2 years, and lack of intimacy over the last several months.

I told her that I would respect her decision and not discuss things with any of her family members again. I am sort of glad they know, because she has lied about it for a while and at least her family know exactly what she is doing to our family, and with OM. I know blood is thicker than water, but they are religous people, and love me, and if nothing else, I feel better that they know.

The way she described her feelings for OM (refrained from using "Love"), and wanting to wait and see how things progress with him. She was totally non receptive to anything I said and very "protective" of OM, like its not his fault, we were over long before he came into the scene etc etc

I told her how beautiful she was, and what a wonderful person she was and how she was so far out of this guys league. And that he should be thanking god that he has her.

I know, major F up to tell her these things.

The convo ended with W being less hostile and her mood changed to pleasant, wishing me a good night (and changing the subject to DD's soccer match tomorrow morning). I just didn't want us going to bed angry.