I do plan on sending flowers to her funeral.As for sending them to her family, with the weekend and all, chances are no one would be at her place to accept them.
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
While talking to my W today, about S and stuff, for the first time since this all started, her look and tune just made me feel like if I fell off the face of the earth, she wouldn't even realize it. I felt if I did not exist, it was like she was talking to someone behind me.
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
I can honestly relate to your observation of W and how you feel like she wouldn't notice if you dropped off of the face of the earth...also...like she was talking to someone behind you...this is really typical...
BTW...I love Petaluma...my niece went to college in Santa Rosa and I went shopping in the outlets in Petaluma...also, there was a wonderful baby store there...they made natural clothing and I bought a ton of stuff there years ago for my kids...and it is just a fun place to be....
It may be typical, but it is kind of wierd and scary, not really in a bad way. It is just, I dunno, cannot explain. I guess the part is I do not understand is how anyone can just turn off like that, I realize it probably wasn't just like that for her, but to myself it was that way
I haven't been to Petaluma in years. Been thru Santa Rosa a few times lately. W's aunt and uncle live in Healdsburg, those two are probably the most down to earth and caring people I have ever met.
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
To much time on my hands................ It is getting hard, I know I am nowhere near perfect. But I am getting damn tired of when I need someone there for me, they are not around, or impossible to talk with "not always thier fault" My parents during my youth, I wish I had gone to them at the time, way to late now. My 1st W, when she bailed I was pretty much in a strange town and lost with no one to lean on. I am starting to think I was the idiot for alway being available to everyone. Now with this situation, all the people I can talk to are "our" friends and I do not want to go to them for fear of it hurting friendships. The rest are her family, and I get the impression from them that whatever happens, happens. They all know what has gone on, what is going on, and how I am coping with the drinking, the abuse and all. Does anyone stand up. Nope. I am the bad one here in the relationship. I really don't want them to be involved per say, but someone I think would say "whoa" lady, look what the heck he has just started to come to grips with. But no, kick him in the nuts to make sure he stays down.
Ok I have no clue why I am rambling, but safer here than holding it in my head at the moment.
Last edited by 789; 06/02/0704:28 AM.
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
Well damn, it is now getting close to 1am and I cannot fall asleep for the life of me. lol, maybe I am afraid of the nitemares I will have thinking of what AmyC is going to say to me.Oh well, have a good friday everyone, I will be on sometime tommorrow afternoon of evening. Maybe I will get lucky and this thread will lock up, I want a new title for it, just don't know what yet. Damn I hate when I am hyper.
The only thing I have to say is that I think you have done one hell of a bang-up job of taking your life back.
Many people let their pasts dictate their future. All the way to the grave. Problem with that is their children pay the price.
Your son is young enough that he will never tell the stories of Daddy being passed out drunk. Or hungover. Or being drunk at his game. Or Mommy crying. He will not grow up being embarrassed to have his friends over. He will always only think you hung the moon.
Congratulations. You are 3 months into the best time of your life.
Give your wife some time. She doesn't know you sober.
And you need time to get to know yourself again, as well.
As the man.
No longer a victim.
And If you couldn't do this, you wouldn't be here.
I have been doing everything in my power to taking back the life that I have not had, I now realize that I was doing nothing more than letting my past, along with alcohol, keep me from growing and having a life.
My son may not remember this all as he grows up, but I can tell you that he notices the difference from a couple of months ago to today.He doesn't do it all the time, but once in awhile, he will ask me how many days, and then want to give me a "high five" then a big hug.
I also want to give my wife as much time as needed, but within reason, I just have no fricken clue what that period of time is, or how long I can handle the ups and downs. But I always keep thinking how long she has done it for me in that regards. I have thought long and hard if I need her in my life, and with all that is going on, I realize that I do not need anyone to move forward with this new part of my life, but I do want her to be a part of this new me in time, to be able to give and offer what I have not over these 10 years.
I will be here as long as I can, or should I say until I drive everyone here crazy to where they ban my IP from the site.
Are you by any chance a Inspirational Speaker because you just seem to have a way with words. I read so many of your posts last nite that I my eyes are still bloodshot.
Last edited by 789; 06/02/0705:31 AM.
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
I think it is wonderful that your son is noticing...and how he reacts...this should just make you melt...and I am sure it does...it is our kids that keep us going so many times..
And yes...your wife needs time...true you don't need her...you want her...for how long???...there is no time period...I didn't think I could last a few months...I sincerely thought I could "stop loving" my H in a few months...6-12...well that didn't happen much to my agony at times...so many times I wished I had had the "privilege" of unloving him first because the pain was so bad and he acted like he was just fine with it all...how do they do that???...with H it was ALL BOTTLED UP INSIDE!!!...I will bet your wife has her feelings for you bottled...it becomes a defense mechanism...the major difference for you and me is we are on separate sides...he was the drunk who left me...where as your wife was the sober one left...would I have been her in time???...that thought is scary to me as well...
The other wonderful thing about out kids is they let us know when we made the right decision...when I decided to let H come home...I could see how happy it made my son...and this made me want to work all the more...and in time it also effected H to this point where he finally said he would always work on the marriage with me and he wouldn't leave us again....no matter what!...at times I felt that was more of a curse then a blessing but things are working out...he is becoming more the man that I admire then the one that I cried for...
So hang in there...hang on...hold on...grab on...your doing great...in time others will notice too...you won't forever remain the bad guy...trust me...
