Last night I asked my daughter if she wanted to go to the next counseling session with her Mom or me... I was trying to encourage her to go with her mom.
Daughter said she wanted to go to the next session with me that she was not ready to talk with her mom yet.
My Ex Texted me today that she talked with the counselor and booked an appointment with her with daughter instead of the one that I had. Which I had said it was ok if she did that
I texted her back that Daughter said she wanted to go with me... that she DOES want to talk with her mom she just isn't ready to yet.
My Ex texts back that is not an option that she didn't have a choice that the counselor said that was so.
I did not know this... not at all... I thought I was acting in my daughters best interests...
She Texted me "I don't think you are helping with daughters and my relationship. I feel like you are throwing road blocks up"
I was very hurt and saddened by this and tried to tell my Ex that this wasn't the case... I have been trying to get our Daughter to talk to her mom that I want her to be able to talk with her Mom the way she talks with me. That I would never try to do anything theat would jepordize the how much better things were going between us.
She came to get the kids...
My Ex was furious with me...
She told me I was "empowering our daughter when she has no power giving her choices where she has none." (about going to counseling specifically)
I replied "oh she has the power to make choices"
She repled "Not about this the counselor said so"
I replied I did not know!
I asked Did the counselor say I had done something wrong ??
My Ex replied "No..."
My Ex said I don't know why she can't just talk with me... Why she has to run around behind my back... Talking to you about this... (That's an odd way of looking at this...)
I replied that’s why right there... how angry you are how upset...
I asked what she thought I was doing that was so bad?
She told me "You’re coddling her" and she accused me of asking her about whos she should go to counseling like I was saving her from having to talk with her mother.
I replied “Can’t you see that I thought I was doing what was in her best interest”
“I can see you think that in your misguided way”
My Ex walked away still furious with me.
My daughter asked me to take her Ddess shopping for a new dress for her School Grad... I thought it would be nice for Dara and her mom to bond.(My daughter has said she wished her mom would do more “girl stuff” with her.)
My daughter asked my Ex I told her to tell her mom that I would look after our Son so they could do that.
Her Mother replied “You already have something nice to wear” and it was in a very angry way.
Ouch!! I told my daughter that would be something really nice her and her mom could do togther... I fell like a [censored] for setting up that dissapointment.
I loaded up their stuff into her car...
Tried to talk some more... she just drove off furious.
I came home feeling horrible and called my mom... My mom told me that I had no business being sad that it was my Ex who had done wrong. That its her fault that her daughter won't talk with her. that her actions for tha past year have cause this.
Got off the phone with mer and called my friend who chewed me a new one telling me how dare I let my Ex be angry at me for doing what I thought was in the best interests of my daughter. That I deserve a better in my life that that. That my Ex is a completely selfish person and cares only about herself and that my daughter's issues are causing her grief with her BF. That my daughter needs some coddling. That is is her mother that messed things up.
They are both right... my Ex is frustrated that her daughter won't talk with her and won't move along on her schedule and is getting angry thinking that some SMALL short term changes are going to make a real difference to repair things between them.
Here's a thought... want to fix this problem quickly... STOP SEEING the BF... It's your TIME spent on him and not her that is the problem. That My Ex can't even REALIZE this.
This is supposed to be about my daughter and getting her to talk to her mom about how SHE feels... not about how her mom feels.
I’m really saddened and angered by this turn… last night was really nice, my daughter was really happy with the way things went. Happier then I have seen her in a long time.
I have an appointment with the counselor for myself alone on Monday I will talk with her about this. My daughter should not be forced to talk with her mom about this unless she is READY.
