Hey JustD -- I'm sorry you didn't have a good time. I have yet to be in a situation where there are many couples -- it's like I'm a pariah and no one invites me to couple things. I'm only getting together with my girlfriends, even if they are all married. It's a bit frustrating; I feel like the third wheel too even when they aren't having their second wheels!
Still, I'm trying. As you know, I'm working on some of my co-workers to go dancing (I call it the Wild Librarians Dancing Club ) but they haven't taken me up on it yet. And once again, if it isn't me doing the coordinating, then it ain't happenin.
Today I talked to my C and we did this EMDR stuff. It's supposed to help reduce the emotional "sticking" of a traumatic event - let's a person get on with living without all of the memory of pain and whatever that's keeping him or her focused on the event. We started with my sister's death, and even though it has been 22 years, I found myself absolutely filled with grief - as if it happened yesterday.
This evening, then, I decided to call H to talk about this experience. He's one of the only ones who really understands this around here, and I wondered if he had noticed I was still so consumed by her death. H also knew my sister and loved her well, and I knew that her death was still really painful for him too. Well, we had a good talk -- H being very caring and understanding. It made me wish for more times like this, and maybe if I don't call too much, we can do that. I know that even though at the time we were very separate in our grief, this is one of those events that ties us together. I think that's one of the real reasons I don't want to divorce: I don't want to give up having a partner who knows and has lived through so much of my history. I can't imagine being with someone who didn't know my sister, for example, or didn't experience the challenges of S2's first six months. There are so many other things.
I know that other people can understand intellectually what I have lived, but I treasure someone who lived it with me. I guess I'm hoping that H will come to agree with me; that he doesn't want to lose that as well.
In the meantime, I've been trying to clean my house some for the group of teens who are coming. Right now it looks like around 20 or so kids! And if it rains, they're all in my house like I said before ... oh well. (Actually, these are great kids who I work with at the Library - I'm the teen services librarian and these kids are part of the Teen Advisory Board -- and I'm really looking forward to the get together.)
Oh, one more dancing thing. When I told S1 that I was trying to get some girlfriends to go dancing at the bars, he said "But Mom, I know people who go to the bars and they know me!" as if I'd be embarrassing. SO, I decided to really embarrass him and I told him that I was only going on wet T-shirt night! He gave the absolute perfect response (MOM! )and I felt quite pleased with myself.
Ok, so I need to get off to bed too. What book are you reading? I have about a dozen that I'm part way through - although most of them are self-help ones like DB & DR. One I picked up today is "When Good Med do Bad Things." I don't know yet if it is any good, but I'll let you know.
) but they haven't taken me up on it yet. And once again, if it isn't me doing the coordinating, then it ain't happenin. 
... oh well. (Actually, these are great kids who I work with at the Library - I'm the teen services librarian and these kids are part of the Teen Advisory Board -- and I'm really looking forward to the get together.)
)and I felt quite pleased with myself. 
