So when I posted I had just come back from walking about 2 3/4 miles. Prior to that I had dropped off the girls and my wife and I spoke then. She did get home right at 9 just like I thought. We both were in friendly pleasant moods but the curt answer and the underlying anger behind it clearly created tension between us. She didn't want to get within about 5 feet of me. Seriously she didn't want to be near me which is a departure from the last couple of weeks. Then again I deserved to be treated like this.
She did do something I have to say was very nice and shows how she's in such a better place than me. After we chatted about the earlier issue, FYI I apologized. She started a bit of chit chat telling me about a couple of funny things in her day. I do appreciate her doing more of that. I also brought up how much I have enjoyed our email chit chat exchanges the last few day and she remarked she liked them too. She reiterated that yes she's trying. Man she is in such a better place than me and if I allow this crap to keep happening she's going to bail.
Well on my walk I kept thinking about the anger issue. To be honest I was walking and crying because this whole anger issue. I kept thinking about how I wanted to be free from anger. How I so desperately want to just love. Not walk out of the house and once out of ear shot calling her horrible names and saying horrible things.
I just want to have love in my heart and be rid of all this anger. So I am open to ANYTHING.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
