I really need to get the whole anger/resentment/bitterness/frustration issue addressed. It's not healthy and probably has more to do with my now rather high blood pressure than anything else. It just seems to sit there and brew underneath everything and it taints everything I do. I can come across as unbelievably happy and cool with something but underneath subconsciously it is slowly simmering.
The more I look at this the more I feel it's me holding us back, it's this underlying anger that seeps out in things like curt little one line answers. It seems to be behind my pushing too. I push because I am angry at her for creating all of this and not wanting to work harder and smarter to solve it sooner. Angry for doing me wrong by walking away then basically demanding I be the one to move out. Angry about my financial position now, about not being home with my kids every night, angry about creating such pain to those she loves the most.
Honestly I can't wait to talk to my counselor about it all. I need to find exceptional methods for releasing it in a healthy manner. Exercise alone isn't helping enough. You know what I really wish I had, a pile of wood to split. Boy I would be going to town on it!
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
