Madonna/Whore Complex Part 4

[Heywyre]

Just journalling a little more about the ST appt.

ST asked H about one of his past relationships wherein they had a child that had down's syndrome. He also had a hole in his heart (apparently quite common for those children). Needless to say it caused a lot of stress, hurt and pain in the R as he spent more time in hospital than out, going through many operations. She left, with the child, when he was 1½. ST asked H how he felt about that. H said there was nothing he could do about it, it was life. ST pressed on, saying that wasn't what he asked. H said he was sad but such is life. He died at the age of 3 and H expressed deep sadness and emotion about going to the funeral and seeing him there, in a little coffin (his X insisting there be an open casket - sick in my POV but each to their own)

At first, H seemed fine talking about it but then the ST pressed him more about his emotions over it and how he was trying to intellectualize the situation, as opposed to actually allowing himself to feel the emotion of it. H refused to allow his emotions to take over.

Then the ST changed the subject and gave him a scenario about him (the ST) taking H's car and trashing it - then asked how H would feel about that. H said "nothing I could do about it". ST said "that's not what I asked you, how would you feel about me doing that and what would you feel like doing to me". H said "he would be angry and feel like doing a lot of things but never would". Once again, ST said, "that's not what I asked, tell me about what you would FEEL like doing to me". H said "I would feel like coming face to face with you somewhere in a dark alley and you wouldn't be walking out of there."

That's when ST went in for the kill - he said "so you can express anger over your car being stolen, but you say "there's nothing that can be done" about the pain, sorrow and grief over the loss of your child. I can't imagine how painful it must be to lose a child and yet you push it down and don't allow yourself to grieve."

I started to cry just at the thought of it, H became very quiet and then I realized, he was crying too.

Oh, yes, we also have to do an exercise that the ST says is a VERY effective tool in healing the inner child (that all of us have)

We are to find a picture of ourselves when we were children. It must be a picture of only us (which might be difficult for me as there were not only a lack of pictures taken around our house but if there were, it was always during holidays of some sort and usually including the whole gang)

Once we have that picture, we must have some quiet time alone, away from noise, other people, phones etc. and imagine times in the past when that child was hurt, punished etc. and then nurture that child, tell them it will be ok, do the things to comfort that child that WE as children never got. I have heard about it before but never participated in it so it should be interesting to see how it unfolds. Now I just have to find a picture of just me - lol