Sashaying thru Seperation IV

[mcojh]

I don't know how long I can keep this up. I am really struggling today. The lying and the adultery are starting to make me wonder if this M is worth the fight any more. Maybe it is because I have had too much quiet time to think, but I am really wondering if I should fight any longer. I am getting tired of the gamesmanship and the work involved in salvaging our R. The thing that I really need is the intimate connection on a regular basis. When we "date" I get this need fulfilled, but it is a need I neeed fulfilled. CW is getting all the love and affection she needs, tonight I am with the boys and she has all the time in the world to be with the OM.

CW's cousin called me tonight because she can't get ahold of CW, and CW won't call her back. She knows the sitch etc. She asked if anything has changed, and I almost lost it when she told me that her and her husband were proud to know me because of what I am doing. I am going to lose it soon, I don't know how long I can keep it together.