Ourcrisis, It doesn't happen overnight. Definitely wait a good long time before looking back. That way you get a good perspective on how much changes.
Alimari, It's nice to see that you're continuing to learn and grow... and teaching your children some very important lessons about marriage. Many of us get through school and college with wonderful grades, and then totally "fail" in marriage. Learning to get along, have a good, healthy relationship with a spouse and be a good parent is just as important, (if not more!) than physics, or whatever one might be studying. So these are valuable lessons for our kids... you are a good mom.
RGM, These last few years of my marriage has been a yoyo so I do know it can change. It's just nice to be at a good place for awhile after having hit rock bottom and it took so many years to get here (long before I found this site). I wish more people could make it to peacefully piecing, but I know not every marriage can and not every spouse is ready, willing or able to go there.... all I can say is protect yourself, go with the flow when possible and try to be positive wherever the road leaves. There's lots of good things in either direction.
25yearsmic, Wow, you make being a LBS sound much better!!! I like the idea of more self-introspection and growth.... Although I do have to say, losing me and the kids really changed my husband. He's a different guy and this is something that really needed to happen. We've reconciled in the past, but usually it was to just "give it a try," see if things could change, I could change, he could be happy, etc... There were always conditions... And I often felt like some robot walking on pins and needles trying to make him happy. Nothing I did ever seemed good enough. Eventually we'd end up back in the same place. But now, it seems much different. We're both more relaxed and accepting of each other. I don't know if this will last forever, we still argue sometimes, but there's more give between both of us... acceptance of faults and appreciation of what's good.... For the first time in my marriage I actually feel like my husband loves and accepts me as I am. That he's not expecting perfection. That's major!!!!
Just like you I also hope my children learn positive things. I didn't have a dad, so I really didn't know how to act in a marriage, and my inlaws... well.... my father-in-law had affairs and eventually left his marriage for an affair so that wasn't the best role model either!!!!
Cat, It's sooo nice to hear that you are doing well too. I'm sure your husband feels very lucky too...
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
